People Against Premies

People, I'd like to invite you all to our first meeting of PAP: "People Against Premies"! This exciting new organization is to squelch the uprising of Pre-missionary boys on this fine campus and all over the world.

"Just what is so wrong with them?" you may ask. I think the better question is, "Just what is right with them?"

Premies are the worst form of the “term-ites” on campus. A term-ite as you all know is a person who comes here from the main land for one term just to have fun, surf and get a spring fling on. They come, they devour, they flee. These term-ites come, but unlike other breeds, Premies plan on coming back. This mentality makes them feel entitled to whatever they want, like they own the place.

They feel that they can do anything, without consequence. Because they are only here for a short time before they go away for a long time, they can. They take up space in all the good, fun classes you wanted to get into. They seem to get the better rooms in the dorm. They never have to spend time studying since they don’t care about their grades, so they get to work on their tans instead. Seeing as how they are too young to support themselves, Mommie and Daddy pay for everything. This way they have money to play with and no jobs to take up free time.

But perhaps the most important reason they are a menace is this: the women. This is where they pose the greatest threat. Girls always claim to want a sensitive guy who is not afraid of commitment and will be there for them. That is why they date the exact opposite of that.

Premies lie, cheat and steal as necessary to get the girl. They lie about caring for the girl’s feelings. They cheat on them for a cuter girl when given the opportunity. And they steal time, jobs, and available women from us true students.

The guys who really do want to get to understand the woman’s feelings are the RMs (Returned Missionaries). The RMs are the ones who are looking for a commitment. The RMs learned how to be there for investigators and for assigned companions for 2 years, they can handle (and look forward to) being there any time for the companion that they get to choose.

These undermining Premies have taken over our rightfully earned stomping grounds and are spoiling the wonderful women whom they will discard like used a Kleenex®.

Frankly my brethren, I have a hard enough time getting a girl willing enough to give me a chance, and Premies don’t help! They are vermin, and must be stopped. PAP is just the organization to do accomplish the task. This is a call to arms! Who that hears my battle cry is man enough to join the rebellion?! The time to act is NOW!

P.S. PAP will join with SMEAR (Seniors Marching Effulgently Against Rudeness) for the month of May to raise awareness.