Borrowed Jokes...

It came to my attention from Fei that I hadn't posted anything funny in some time. So, to make it easy for me, I'm just gonna post some jokes I stole from DribbleGlass.com!

PERFECT HOUSE
Q: What's a Jewish wife's idea of a perfect house?
A: Six thousand square feet, no kitchen, no bedroom.

SPEEDING
A woman is caught speeding on the freeway, and is pulled over by a traffic cop. He says "Ma'am, you were going 85 miles per hour, can I see your driver's license?" "I don't have one," says the woman, "it was revoked for reckless driving." "I see," says the policeman. "Then will you please show me your vehicle registration?" "I don't have that either because the car's not mine," says the woman. "Whose car is it, then?" asks the policeman. She answers, "It belongs to the man I killed this morning and chopped up in pieces, put in plastic bags, and loaded into the trunk. I was just going to dispose of him." The policeman, shocked, says, "You just stay where you are, I'm calling reinforcements." Soon the captain comes, and asks the woman, "License please?" The woman, politely, says, "Certainly, here it is," and hands over her license. "Can I see the car's registration, please?" asks the captain, and the woman says, "Certainly," and hands it over to him. He then asks, "Would you mind if I looked in your trunk?" "Not at all," says the woman, and pops the trunk. He looks in and it's empty. "Excuse me," says the captain, "but my officer her told me you had no license, no vehicle registration, and that you had stolen the car, killed its owner, cut him into pieces and loaded him in your trunk!" The woman answered, "Really? I bet the damn liar said I was speeding, too!"

ROME
A young American was enjoying his first night in Rome, drinking cappuccino at a pavement cafe when a pretty girl sat beside him. "Hello," he said. " Do you understand English?" "Only a little," she answered. "How much?" he asked. "Fifty Dollars," she replied.

SLINKY
Q: What do your boss and a Slinky have in common?
A: It's fun to watch them tumble down the stairs.

PAROLE BOARDS
Q: Why aren't there any Jewish mothers on parole boards?
A: They'd never let anyone finish a sentence.

HIT
Little Billy comes running into the house. He screams, "Daddy, Daddy! Mama just got hit by a bus!" His father answers, "Billy, that's just plain mean shouting it out like that. You know my lips are chapped. Please don't make me smile."

BLONDE WAITRESS
Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She's the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she
did with her pencil.

TWO CELLS
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant with twins.

If you felt any were inapporpriate, tuff. There not mine, borrowed. Anyway, you should see the ones that didn't make the cut. So, I let someone else do the work for me and I didn't have to try too hard to be funny...but I still am...