Secret Agent Man...

Yesterday we finally set up our computer for the Ward Clerks. Being the one that is computer literate, I did it. After we got it up and running, we noticed some problems. First, we didn't have a USB cable to connect the printer to the computer. Nowadays, they all use USB. I'll have to go buy it and get reimbursed.

Another problem is that the CD with the programs that they promised us was not there either. We had Windows XP on it, but no church software. I made a myriad of calls and finally ended up with a guy who said he'd just burn me a copy of the software. I told him I would need it soon, as we have been a ward for two months and still have not reported a single dime of tithing, meaning that we have a stack of tithing envelopes from the floor to the ceiling. He told me to come by his office Monday morning. It just so happened to be right next to the housing office. I work in the Hale 4 office every mon, wed, fri and check the mail anyway. It was a perfect match. I told him I'd be by around 9:30am.

As I was mopping the floor getting ready to go check housing mail and fulfill my calling, Mom Terese comes to me and says, "I'm going to the front office."

"OK." Uh...wait...that means that she won't let me go. I need to get that CD, and while I'm out, I want to sack my breakfast or I won't eat at all. Hmm. I guess its time to become...SECRET AGENT MAN!

I looked around the corner of the hale. Her van was gone. She drove. I have to walk to the caf the tennis courts way. The road is one way, and if she has already left, she will come from the other route. Then I made it to the caf. She might be getting food then, too. She wasn't. That was easy. Now I have to check my mail in the mailroom on the way. I took the less traveled back route. She either had already checked her mail or has not gotten around to it yet. I had no mail anyway. Then I had to be real tricky. This guy's office is literally right next to the housing offices. If mom was there, I would defiantly be seen going in. Her van was parked in the front of the office. I knew of a less traveled side door. I thought I might be able to sneak in that way. As I walk by, I can see her standing 30 feet away talking it up with someone in a housing cubicle. Rats! I knew that she was parked out front. Seeing her was even better. Now I can sit and peek around occasionally to see if she had left yet. She'd walk to her van, and I'd walk right in. As I was thinking of how great it will be to tell the story of my victory, she walks out of the back door! Why would she do that?

"Jared, what are you doing here?"

"I, uh, well, I got a call from Tom Wride (full names make it sound more important) who told me that I need to get something from his office. Its for my calling in church (can't get mad at a man for magnifying his calling) and I needed to pick up this software soon. He's waiting for me (good, urgency). He told me his office is next to the housing, so I figured I'd just check the mail while I was at it (smart man, killing two birds with one stone, who wouldn't admire that?)."

"What for? I already told you that I was going to the front office!"

"Well, I wasn't sure if you were going to pick up the mail or not."

"I did. You cannot do those personal things when you are in the office. You need to do your personal things on your time! You cannot just leave the office like that." I don't see how it's that different from me leaving to check the mail anyway, same distance and time taken, but, whatever. "There is no one in that office anyway, it's empty!"

Gulp. That does me some great service. "Okay, sorry."

"You need to do your things on your time." She loves to rehash.

"You are right. I'm sorry. I'll go right back."

I check his office. There was an aide in there expecting me and CD in hand. Then for kicks I checked the hale mail. There was mail in it! She didn't even check the mail! Ugh! And she'll still think I was lying about it.

I am not so good being sneaky like I used to be. Or I just don't remember getting caught so much as a kid. Either way, I saw the errors in my ways afterward, but hindsight is 20/20, and that does little for me in the present. I think my days of SECRET AGENT MAN are over. I might as well admit my secret identity and become a civil servant. But never fear, citizens of this great world. I will still be around if you need me. Help is never too far. Call my name and I'll be there...I just can't promise on the results...