A Guam Halloween...

This is the first Halloween in…well, my life that I have not dressed up. Sad, ain’t it?

Even on my mission I had Halloween costumes. I love Halloween. I like to dress up, get candy, watch scary movies; the whole thing. This year was very different.

To start the holiday off, I watched the newly released on DVD Season 8 Halloween episode of the Simpsons a week before Halloween. Then, on Saturday, I participated in the 14th annual underwater pumpkin carving competition. If you thought carving a pumpkin was hard on a table, try cutting into a very buoyant pumpkin under water in a current with a cheap kitchen knife.

I hadn’t given much thought to what I’d carve, but one idea came to me that I thought would be creative. I would make a Nintendo® GamePumpkin® Special Hallo-Wii-n® Edition. All I would have to do is cut open the top, clean it out, cut open a hole in the front for the controller and one in the back for the power. I had to make all of my cuts underwater, so I had to hope my cuts were accurate. I was not going to bring my GameCube into the water to see if it would fit.

As my luck would have it, the pumpkin was too small to fit my GameCube into. I had to be creative on the spot, since I only had enough time to go back to my house to grab the equipment before I had to get my pumpkin judged. I ended up losing the all expense paid dive trip to Australia to some dumb shape of Guam pumpkin with political posters on it…blah.

In my haste I forgot to grab my camera. So, no pictures. The dive shop that sponsored the event is supposed to have pictures on their website, but as of today, no luck. I’ll make another post when they do.

The night before, I watched Death Becomes Her. Funny movie. On Halloween day, I came to work wearing my usual outfit - white shirt and tie. I didn’t trick-or-treat, but some co-workers brought candy! That was nice. I also put in a special Halloween music CD in my car to listen to all day.

After work I watched Evil Dead II – Dead by Dawn. It’s cheesy, but great for the occasion. Then, upon finishing the movie, I had some fun. I guess you could say that I did dress up. For the first time, I dressed up as a scuba diver, and then went night scuba diving. Diving at night is very different. You can only see a very small area ahead of your light. If you look around, you see nothing and wonder where you are. It can be disorienting. That was an appropriate Halloween activity.

On the way back to shore, one of the people I went diving with all of the sudden freaked out. He threw off his mask and light and grabbed his shirt. For a second both him and I thought he had been stung by something. Somehow, he actually got a fish down his shirt. It was a good catch. I’ve never seen someone catch one like that. It was too small to eat, so we let it go. Maybe next time.

All in all, Halloween wasn’t bad. But it was different. I guess that moving to Guam will change everything, even my treasured holiday traditions. There is only one thing that I really need to change. I need to get myself a wife, fast, and start having kids. That way, I can enjoy Halloween properly and have an excuse to dress up and go trick-or-treating again.

Jared Genuine Draft, 2005...

In April of 2005, I published the first ever "Jared Genuine Draft." Whether or not it was a huge success, I liked the idea. And in the time since, I have once again filled up on drafts that have never seen the light of day. I have decided to now deliver them in one year increments. This contains the lost posts from 2005. Enjoy!

5/25/05 – Season of the Suns…

Right now in the valley there are two things making headlines: The sun, and The Suns.

6/12/05 – Ironic…

Lately I’ve been as busy as a three legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen lake why being chased by wolves. This week I've worked for people who get to enjoy their 4th of July. It's only fair since I live every other day like it were a holiday. the guy that replaced me at KFYI when I quit two years ago is on vacation. Who better to replace him than the original? I had gotten used to working nights and waking up late. Then this week I had to wake up at 3:30am every day for the morning drive shift. Since I was used to staying up late I had a hard time getting to bed before 11:00pm any night. Knowing that I had to wake up only a few hours later made me feel like I had to rush sleep. This gave me anxiety and therefore kept me up longer. Ironic, ain’t it?

Another irony has been bugging me lately. When I live in Arizona, I have the money, transportation and time to date girls and do things. When I live in Hawaii, I have the girls to date. When in Arizona, all I want is the right girl to date. In Hawaii, I can find the girls a plenty, but I don't have the means to do anything with them. How's that for a catch 22?

In Guam I have neither the means nor the women, so I guess I got the worst of both worlds.

7/11/05 – Gearing Up To Get Out…

I'm sure you have noticed (or should have) that I have not been posting much lately. That is because I have had an out of town guest. Anna has been here for a few days so far.

8/22/05 – The Fairer Sex…

In my honest opinion, they are the much more fair. In light of my current public image, I thought it was time to show a side of me that few see on this blog. I want to preempt this post with a rebuttal before you even have a chance to start. This may seem like I am only saying this to look good. I am not "kissing up". This is not a last ditch effort to woe some girl via the internet. I am doing this post because I am aware that I have done many posts in the past that say only negative things about women and I think it's only fair and balanced of me to offer a different point of view. If you were so willing to believe that I was being honest when I was saying things less than favorable about women then I ask you will be equally willing to believe me when I compliment them as well.

First I would like to say that I have no problem with women. I have a confession to make: I am half woman. That's right. 50% in fact. You see, my mother was a woman. Even though I'm half woman I do take after my father physically. So, I do have differences from those who take after their mother. But, I feel that I still have enough authority to speak on the subject.

To add further credibility, I will quote someone that on one can dispute: God. God first made man. That man was in the garden and had his orders to not eat of the tree. It's no clear how long he was there pre-woman, but I get impression in chapter 3 of the book of Moses that it was at least long enough to name animals and know that something was missing. God then made woman. This was an important build. This isn't some dodo bird, dinosaur, or unicorn that God will let go extinct. She is so important that both humans had to leave the garden together - the best paradise, heaven on Earth. Adam understood that he must take the forbidden fruit like she did so that they could be together, Eden or not. I like to think that when I find my wife I'd be willing to give up Eden for her.

I still mean every letter of that last post. I wish I had finished it.

10/05/05 – New Routine…

I have learned that routines are not all bad things. They can go either way. I have also learned from experience that a routine is what I need

I wanted to make sure that I was actually sticking to this routine before I published it and then didn't actually do it...well, since it was never published you can imagine how that new routine worked out for me.

11/10/05 – Note To Self…

Hey six year old Jared,

I hear that you are moving. I know you liked your old house and that cool tree house. Don't worry. Mesa is a good. But let me warn you of some things.

First, know that you will be very unpopular. At times you will wonder what happed to you. You will wonder why you can't feel a part of any group like you did before since you still feel like you are just being you. Do not worry too much about it.

Second, this move is good for you. You will learn more through trials than complacency. Your family will be poor for a few years more. Your sisters will go through some trials and you will watch it happen. Learn from it. Don't worry about them; they will end up taking the right turns.

Good luck with your new home and school. Oh, and be on the look out for a neighbor about your age named John. He will be the best childhood friend you will ever have. He'll need you as much as you need him.

Jared.


Hello Jared at Eight,

You are getting baptized soon. You don't fully understand everything going on with baptism. You will likely be more impressed with the toy motorcycle your aunt will give you than the Holy Ghost your father gives you. In time you will understand the event better. What matters now is that you know it's right. Don't forget that.

You might also try to remember the feeling of being totally clean and the desire to keep it that way. You will be back to yelling at your sisters or talking back to your dad in a few days. That happens, but at least try to keep that down to a minimum, ok?

Sorry that Katie moved. I know that you liked her. Take it from me. She was not the kind of girl that you would want to end up staying with. Years later you will see her again at the bank and wonder why you thought you loved her so much. Believe it or not, this will be one of the easiest relationships to let go of.

Keep trying to get along at school. It is hard now. You are not happy with anything about school, I know. If you try being less sarcastic and insulting to the people who pick on you, they might loose interest in you. Either way, your social skills will gradually improve as will your grades. You are going to hear this a lot in life, but take it from me. Just be patient.

Jared.

This was written the day before my 26th birthday. I was feeling a bit depressed then, as I always do on my birthday. I never finished it because I knew where it was going; a pity party. It was likely going to have a very sad ending, I try to avoid that on this blog. I would like to finish it sometime, however. It would be interesting to see what I would tell myself through the ages.

11/16/05 – 2 ¾ - 0…

Once again, I was printed in the school news paper, the Ke Alaka'i. Once again they edited the copy that I turned in. This time, however, they butchered my article.

There you have it. Almost a year of unpublished thoughts, desires and anxieties. In case you are wondering (which you aren't), 2006 already has it's fair share of drafts that will rear their heads next year.

Honk For Jesus...

Ever wonder if Jesus is just sitting on a cloud, all depresed? Then he hears a car honk it's horn at a "Honk For Jesus" bumpersticker and that cheers him up? Me neither. What makes people think that Jesus will feel better when people beep a horn for him?

This newest P.O.'d Cast looks into this subject.

Download the P.O.'d Cast Here!

I was once a missionary. I would preach the gospel from house to house. Sometimes I would walk around populated public places and start discussions. That was the least effective way to promote conversion. Rather, peaceful lesson and member support were the ways to do it. It did not always end in a baptism, but it was effective and life changing.

It seems to me that most other people have alternative methods of sharing their beliefs. It usually involves rock bands, poorly produced videos, even more poorly drawn fish, or even ranting and raving at traffic. There is a right way and a wrong way to spread salvation. And the wrong way can cause more harm than doing nothing at all.

Recently, I was stopped in traffic. Just as the light was about to finally turn green, an officer of the law pulled into the center of the intersection to direct traffic. The lights were working fine. He didn’t look like he was getting trained. So why the interruption? Ah, a caravan was coming through. Maybe a funeral? Or a high ranking diplomat passing through Guam on his way to a government that really matters? Neither. It was what I call a “Honk for Jesus” campaign.

Like I said, I’m all for spreading the word of God. And I think that we have gone a bit far with the whole separation of church as state deal. But using our government paid officers to hold up traffic to annoy the tax payers with an un-ignorable parade of bible thumpers is just a bit much for me.

I was working. Conference was coming up. I was trying to get to get things done so that the people of Micronesia could hear the word God through His chose leaders via satellite. That was a message that would actually save someone. Not a blue collar parade of bondo laden pickups.

As much as one would think this inspires thoughts of Jesus, it actually inspired other thoughts…none of which I would admit to in church. I was tempted to honk at them. But then I came to the conclusion that they would probably think that I was supporting them. That was NOT the idea I wanted them to get.

I think we need to petition the car manufactures of the world to make two horns for every car. One with a “Happy Honk” and one with an “Angry Honk.” This was an Angry Honk occasion and a neutral honk was too ambiguous for my emotional state.

I am not P.O.’d Casting this just because I love a good soap box, I mean this. If you are so diluted that you think tying up traffic, making incorrectly spelled banners with bad grammar, and tying balloons to your side view mirror is going to save anyone, I hope you are not my surgeon some day. There is a right way and a wrong way to spread the word of God. And they have not found the right way.

The last car had a sign reading “Jesus Saves” and the only thing that came to my mind was, “Too bad he couldn’t save me from this, ‘cause I’m P.O.’d!”

Download the P.O.'d Cast Here!

So, Where Has Jared Been...?

Ya, I'm wondering the same thing. In fact, I think that being Jared, the subject would be of even more paticular interest to me. Well, over the last two weeks, I have been busier than a three legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen lake while being chased by ravenous wolves. So, ya, busy.

We had a wonderful gentleman from Idaho come to work with me on the satellite system here in Guam, Saipan and Pohnpei before conference. For the two weeks that he was here, we worked day and night. In Guam we have about 12 languages coming down to us. That is more than any other site the church has in the whole world! We have to have two large server racks full of equipment just to get it all to work. It's humbling to know that we have the most complex and diverse receiving unit of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and that is a big world wide church! Just take a look at the back of one of these racks.

Guam's satellite Rack from the back

I had to assemble that whole rack and then put all of that equipment in, and wire it pretty much from scratch. Believe me, it was no small task. I literally worked over 50 hours straight (minus a break for food, not sleep) the day of conference. This as due in part to the fact that I had to record 8 of the languages, make multiple copies and label and prepare them for shipping to the Micronesian Islands (Over 200 discs). So I hope that you can forgive the fact that I let my blog go unattended for a while.

Now that I am back on Guam and starting to get close to caught up at work, I am preparing my pictures of Saipan and Pohnpei, as well as fun filled stories and anecdotes. I also have a new P.O.'d Cast ready to go, it just needs some finishing touches.

One thing is sure. When conference time comes for the Church, the average person at home or in a chapel has no idea what kind of work goes into each and every one. Now, being a small part of it, I can see what a magnitude of effort goes into this marvelous work and wonder that is the proliferation of the word of the Lord's servants to the world in not only English, but often in their own language. What an a amazing thing it really is.