My life has changed more in 2006 than in any other year in my life. I got a new job that took me to the other side of the world and to over 5 countries and counting. Also, I graduated college. And most importantly, I have married the most amazing girl in my life.
Due to such high volume of activity in such a short time, I am going to have to do play catch-up on my posts. So grab a cup of hot coco and sit back. There is a lot that happened and oh so much to say.
Over the past six months, Anna and I have been separated while she continued to go to school and I worked about 3,000 miles away. The long distance was tuff, but it only served to strengthen our love.
I made plans to go to Hawaii for my first vacation leave in December. Her mom is also going to be there, so now, I will be going to meet her family as well. Then we decided that this would make the only time that we could get our parents to meet, so we booked flights to Arizona. So then we thought that since this will be the only we have both families together and now it’s become a wedding!
So, I am no officially publicly announcing the plans for my marriage to Anna Ngoc Nguyen. I am in my office in Guam, waiting for my ride to take me to the airport. I will be flying to meet Anna and her mom in Hawaii and will be arriving the morning before her graduation. For the first night I will be sleeping in my rental car on campus, so I’m getting a hatchback.
Since Anna’s mom does not speak a lick of English and my Vietnamese is limited to the 6 words Anna has taught me this promised to be interesting. And when we get my parents in on the action I think it will be like some sort of sick hybrid of the movies “Meet the Parents” and “Lost in Translation” only with the uncanny awkwardness of “Edward Scissorhands”.
Never fear, you will be informed...
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Red, White and Blue Snow...
In school, I got a bit annoyed with every “liberal” thinker automatically demonizing the white folk. Sure, there were some full frontal assaults on the slavery past, or war-time philosophies, but often, it was subtle and almost overlooked.
One such example was how my communication classes always would point out the flaws in the American communication system, namely, the English language. I am not saying that English is the perfect language or even the best, but it seems that we get treated as the worst. While I admit to some validity in the arguments, more often than not, it simply appears to be someone looking too hard for problems.
One example: On one hand I hear that we have too many saying and colloquialisms, on the other, we don’t have enough words to describe things. You can’t have it both ways!
Let’s look at the classic argument, that Eskimos have 15 words for snow. I have heard many numbers, but 15 is the most commonly agreed upon.
How does having 15 words for snow make them so darn special? What’s wrong with only having one? And who decided that we don’t have enough words for snow anyway? I can think of at least 10 words for snow in the English language that most people would recognize right away.
How about:
- Snow
- Frost
- Powder
- Snowflake
- Snowball
- Blizard
- Sleet
- Flurry
- Slush
- Hail
And, keep in mind that the 15 words for snow are from the Yupik language, not the more famous and commonly spoken Inuit, which has less. And the special 15 Eskimo words for snow are really a mix of both the physical snow itself and the type of snow storm. So, if you include our words for that, we have a fair match.
So, how about the same philosophy being used the other way around? Turnabout is fair play, right? I argue that English is a better language than any Eskimo language because we have so many words for rain that they do not.
Try:
- Rain
- Showers
- Mist
- Downpour
- Pouring
- Drizzle
- Precipitation
- Dew
- Raindrops
- Droplets
- Raining Cats and Dogs
- Mizzle
- Volley
- Raincheck
Ok, so I got a bit carried away, but the point stands strong!
Every language has its own merits. Every language has its drawbacks. English is no exception. But if the English language is so darn horrible, it seems odd that it would be such a strong language with such global prevalence. And let’s not be so naive to say that it’s only because we also have so many words for money.
If the Eskimo languages were that superior to our English, I think it would be more used. So why don’t we stop trying to find all the reasons we can to pooh-pooh the Americans, especially in American schools? I’m not being blinded by patriotism, but I don’t think one hast o hate his home country to be “international” or “liberal” either.
If you all think that Eskimo is so wonderful, let me close this P.O.’d cast the Inuit way. You already know that I’m Jared Bodine, and I’m P.O.’d. Tell me if you think this is all that much better. Torklurarpok Jared Bodine, Nimnarpok!
Download the P.O.'d Cast Here!
Friday, December 01, 2006
Pocky Men's...
At the risk of becoming hated, I will say that I honestly think that the average Asian male is becoming a bit too feminine. Granted, I am not saying all, but many. If you don’t believe me, just look at these pics of today’s Korean “male” pop stars.
Recently I have seen many little kids who are Japanese. I know that there are cultural differences, but I see the things that the parents dress these kids in, and I have to guess at their gender some times. I think that a certain amount of androgyny is healthy, but I at least want to know the gender of what I’m talking to, you know?
So, I can only wonder about things that are meant for men. The smaller islands get goods from all over. Often products on shelves are from Asia rather than the U.S. I enjoy seeing all sorts of new and unusual products when I shop. On my last trip, I saw Pocky sticks. I have always enjoyed a good box of them. But next to the standard Pocky sticks were Pocky Men's.
The only difference I could see was that the box said “Men” on it and it was blue, rather than the standard red. Well, even for a boy color like blue, it was really teal, which we all know is the feminine cousin to blue that says he only sits to pee because it keeps the toilet cleaner.
I had to buy it just to see if there was a notable difference. Upon opening it, it seemed like a regular box of Pocky sticks. But then as I was turning the box upside down to empty the contents, something fell out. What would you think would come in a box of Pocky Men but something really manly? Ya, it all made perfect sense. Now I know what was so manly about the box.
You may have guessed it by now. I came loaded with “manly” stickers. Sparkly stickers of the sun; all cute and purple. I can’t think of anything more manly than that. I guess I was wrong - Asians are more masculine every day.
I’m not trying to sound like a homophobe or overly manly, but you have to admit, when a box comes advertised as “Manly” and therefore comes with cute purple sparkly smiley-faced sun stickers, you have to wonder. If nothing else, it’s good for a laugh.
I think Ford Motor Company should employ the same technique to regain the manly image that now belongs to Dodge. I am preparing a proposal to Ford to start offering a free lifetime supply of doilies for every F-150 and F-250 purchased in the next year. Now that’s manly. I should know. There is no one that is more of an authority of masculinity than good 'ole American me!
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit C
Recently I have seen many little kids who are Japanese. I know that there are cultural differences, but I see the things that the parents dress these kids in, and I have to guess at their gender some times. I think that a certain amount of androgyny is healthy, but I at least want to know the gender of what I’m talking to, you know?
So, I can only wonder about things that are meant for men. The smaller islands get goods from all over. Often products on shelves are from Asia rather than the U.S. I enjoy seeing all sorts of new and unusual products when I shop. On my last trip, I saw Pocky sticks. I have always enjoyed a good box of them. But next to the standard Pocky sticks were Pocky Men's.
The only difference I could see was that the box said “Men” on it and it was blue, rather than the standard red. Well, even for a boy color like blue, it was really teal, which we all know is the feminine cousin to blue that says he only sits to pee because it keeps the toilet cleaner.
Pocky Men
I had to buy it just to see if there was a notable difference. Upon opening it, it seemed like a regular box of Pocky sticks. But then as I was turning the box upside down to empty the contents, something fell out. What would you think would come in a box of Pocky Men but something really manly? Ya, it all made perfect sense. Now I know what was so manly about the box.
You may have guessed it by now. I came loaded with “manly” stickers. Sparkly stickers of the sun; all cute and purple. I can’t think of anything more manly than that. I guess I was wrong - Asians are more masculine every day.
Manly Prize in each box
I’m not trying to sound like a homophobe or overly manly, but you have to admit, when a box comes advertised as “Manly” and therefore comes with cute purple sparkly smiley-faced sun stickers, you have to wonder. If nothing else, it’s good for a laugh.
I think Ford Motor Company should employ the same technique to regain the manly image that now belongs to Dodge. I am preparing a proposal to Ford to start offering a free lifetime supply of doilies for every F-150 and F-250 purchased in the next year. Now that’s manly. I should know. There is no one that is more of an authority of masculinity than good 'ole American me!
Friday, November 17, 2006
Not Far From The Tree...
My mom recently let me know that I needed to start paying off my student loan. Because I had no idea that I'd be after I graduated, I used my parent's address on the loan paperwork. The loan agency that I used seems to have a hard time tracking me down. Rather than just let me know, she sent me a rather amusing run-down of how the conversation went. The following passage has been edited for grammar and punctuation.
I called the number and sure enough, they won't accept calls from Guam. Do they want my number or not.
While musing at the events, I noticed that this email sent to me was exactly the stuff that my blogs are made of. I always used to think (and hope) that I was adopted. Apparently, I'm at least partly related to at least one of my parents after all. Who knew?
The xxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx, more commonly know as your school loan, needs your address. I called them because they said you need to start paying them. This is our conversation. I am not making this up.
ME: You are sending Jared's mail payment forms to me. Here is his new address. (I gave them your full name and address)
Them: Do you know his social Security number?
Me: NO, he's an adult now and I don't have it. You could look it up using his name.
Them: No, we can't. We need his number.
Me: So I could get a loan using a number with a made up name and you would bill that poor person without checking to see if the name matched the number.
Them: Silence...
Me: If you want your money please look up his loan number.
Them: We can't.
Me: You have his name, don't you know what his number is? I don't want his Social Security number, I don't want his loan number, all I want to do is to give you his address so you can mail the bill to him.
Them: NO, we need his name and social security number or his loan number.
Me: Didn't he give his social to you and didn't you give him a loan based on his good name.
Them: Silence...
Me: Well this has been fun, I'll let him know but his payment might be late since you can't find him, that shouldn't be a problem should it?
Them: (Silence...) Let him know we need his payment before xx/xx/06.
Me: I love red tape, when you stop hitting your head against the wall it feels so good.
SOO.. If you don't want the nasty but stupid men in black knocking at your door call toll free (use their dime it will serve them right) 1-877-xxx-xxxx or go on line at www.xxxxx.org. Let the misbegotten know where you are.
I called the number and sure enough, they won't accept calls from Guam. Do they want my number or not.
While musing at the events, I noticed that this email sent to me was exactly the stuff that my blogs are made of. I always used to think (and hope) that I was adopted. Apparently, I'm at least partly related to at least one of my parents after all. Who knew?
Saturday, November 04, 2006
You Know You've Been A Bachelor Too Long When...
...you have lived in a place for four months and still haven't finished unpacking.
...the first thing you do when you get home is shed your clothes where you stand and walk around the rest of the day in your underwear.
...you spot a dead cockroach on your floor and decide to leave it there so you can see how long it takes the ants to carry it all away.
...all of your friends the same age as you have families, so you have to trade them in for people born after The Simpsons was on TV.
...you have a stereo system that would blow the ticks off a dog's back, a brand new DVD player, CD player and projector, but only have one plate, knife, fork, spoon and two cups in your kitchen...and they are always dirty in the sink.
...you see no reason why an old CD won't make a perfect beer coaster.
...you don't know what a collender is, and even if you did, you wouldn't know why you'd need one.
...you've never gotten to roll your eyes and say, "Yes, Dear..."
...rather than fantasize about women, you fantasize about home cooked meals.
...you use tuna cans to replace legs on broken furniture.
...the tuna can couch leg breaks open and leaks and you still use it.
...you consider getting a cat.
...you count using shampoo and splashing the sides as "cleaning your shower."
...people younger than you are trying to set you up with dates.
...it's time to change you bedsheets when you start waking up with bites on your legs.
...you don't think twice about going to the movie theaters alone.
...all of your groceries need to be in the freezer and your refrigerator only has soda pop cans in it.
...you say, "Bros before hos" and actually start to believe it.
...rather than clean your toilet bowl, you just aim your pee at the dirty looking spots.
...you have three laundry piles: one for whites, one for colors, and one for clothes you think you could get away with wearing again, and again, and again, until they don't pass your "smell" test.
...cutting your hair you have to guess on the back of the head because you don't have a small mirror and there is no woman with a compact to lend you one.
...you'd rather be golfing.
...taking stinky trash out feels like too much work, so you just move it to a further away room.
...you would rather have your apartment burn to the ground than have a someone dent your new car.
...you wonder if your biological clock is ticking...or it's digital.
...most people close to or the same age as you can't think of anything to talk to you about since you don't have a family.
...going to a party is something you try to avoid since you know you'll be there alone or you would have to make yourself the third wheel to some couple.
...you are used to being that third wheel.
...you start to forget what it is like to kiss someone.
...you sit at home alone on a Saturday night to blog about being a pathetic bachelor.
Yeah, I think it's official. I have been a bachelor for WAY too long.
...the first thing you do when you get home is shed your clothes where you stand and walk around the rest of the day in your underwear.
...you spot a dead cockroach on your floor and decide to leave it there so you can see how long it takes the ants to carry it all away.
...all of your friends the same age as you have families, so you have to trade them in for people born after The Simpsons was on TV.
...you have a stereo system that would blow the ticks off a dog's back, a brand new DVD player, CD player and projector, but only have one plate, knife, fork, spoon and two cups in your kitchen...and they are always dirty in the sink.
...you see no reason why an old CD won't make a perfect beer coaster.
...you don't know what a collender is, and even if you did, you wouldn't know why you'd need one.
...you've never gotten to roll your eyes and say, "Yes, Dear..."
...rather than fantasize about women, you fantasize about home cooked meals.
...you use tuna cans to replace legs on broken furniture.
...the tuna can couch leg breaks open and leaks and you still use it.
...you consider getting a cat.
...you count using shampoo and splashing the sides as "cleaning your shower."
...people younger than you are trying to set you up with dates.
...it's time to change you bedsheets when you start waking up with bites on your legs.
...you don't think twice about going to the movie theaters alone.
...all of your groceries need to be in the freezer and your refrigerator only has soda pop cans in it.
...you say, "Bros before hos" and actually start to believe it.
...rather than clean your toilet bowl, you just aim your pee at the dirty looking spots.
...you have three laundry piles: one for whites, one for colors, and one for clothes you think you could get away with wearing again, and again, and again, until they don't pass your "smell" test.
...cutting your hair you have to guess on the back of the head because you don't have a small mirror and there is no woman with a compact to lend you one.
...you'd rather be golfing.
...taking stinky trash out feels like too much work, so you just move it to a further away room.
...you would rather have your apartment burn to the ground than have a someone dent your new car.
...you wonder if your biological clock is ticking...or it's digital.
...most people close to or the same age as you can't think of anything to talk to you about since you don't have a family.
...going to a party is something you try to avoid since you know you'll be there alone or you would have to make yourself the third wheel to some couple.
...you are used to being that third wheel.
...you start to forget what it is like to kiss someone.
...you sit at home alone on a Saturday night to blog about being a pathetic bachelor.
Yeah, I think it's official. I have been a bachelor for WAY too long.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)