Lazy, Lazy, Lazy...

We used to love peanut butter… still do. I saw something in the store the other day that I don’t understand, that peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. Is there a point to that? I mean… I mean I’m lazy, but… I wanna meet the guy who needs that. Some guy going, "You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I’m not gonna open TWO jars! I can’t be opening and closing all kinds of jars… cleaning, who KNOWS how many knives!?!" If you’re that lazy, why not put croutons in there and get the whole sandwich on a spoon. You know, just scoopin’ it out… "Mmm…Oh, scrumptious!! I think I’m gonna have another one. Uh, mmmmm… DELECTABLE!! As was the first!" Or if you don’t wanna clean the spoon, you put it all in a squeeze bottle. "Mmmm! Lunch and no clean up!! Can life get better? I submit that it CANNOT!!"
- Brian Regan - Brian Regan Live!

That Brian Regan guy is amazing! He hit the nail right on the head. To culminate our supreeme laziness, some company decided we spent far too much time and dirty knives making sandwiches.

PB Slices

Our society has turned into instant freaks. I think it all started with the TV dinner. From there came the microwave. With that technology the fast food industry increased. Then we decided we didn't even want to get out of our cars to eat, so we had the drive-ins. But after a few years the teenage employees in rollerskates felt that it was far too much work and they wanted a piece of the lazy pie. So, then we do drive through. "YOU drive up to MY window and then I will only exert myself as far as the window to serve you." If we spend longer than 3 minutes in line we will never visit that establishment again.

Let's not forget our illustrious grocery markets. If that bar code does not ring up right the first time, watch what the employees will do. They will scan it again. Then again. They will go through a dozen swipes or more trying all sorts of methods before they will just give up and spend 10 seconds to manually type in the bar code number. How's that for lazy?

What's more, we used to have to put the food infront of the person at the cash register. Not now. Now we have motorized belts that move our food and razor blades the whole 3 feet for us. But how could we expect less for our food than ourselves? Have you been to Vegas lately? I understand the elevator. I even see good reasons for the escelator. But motorized walkways every where we go? "Ok, we will walk from the parking lot to our slot machine, but we want to get there in half the steps...if only the walkway were to move in my direction..."


Now I'm as lazy as the next guy. I like convinece. I won't change the channel without the remonte. I even bought a super remote control that can be progamed to operate over 2 dozen devices at once. It even has macros, so I can push one button and have it to 20 opperations in any desired order. I even own a remote control watch now, so I don't even have to reach over for the remote. I even bought a remote control for my computer so I can control the entire thing from my bed accross the room. I can also contol the entire system via my toilet in the other room due to radio frequency technology. There is no shortcut I will not take.

When I lived at home, I kept a spoon in the freezer next to the ice cream in the spare fridge so I wouldn't have to go to the kitchen.

I guess the question about all of our modern laziness is this:

Is all this really nessisary?

I submit that it IS NOT!