Successfully Failing...

I have said a number of times that the one goal I had for this summer was to get bored. I now have due to a lack options for passing time thanks to Darth Hijack and his family visiting coupled with fewer hours available for me to fill in at my radio stations.

So, in a way, I have finally been successful. I have finally become bored. The problem is that this brings about new problems. Now that I am bored, what do I do to pass the time? I know that blogging sounds like a good option, but unless you’re Faye, you can only blog for so long. With out my movie room, computer or money, I had to become creative. Instead I think I have a problem on my hands now.

This problem stems from my boredom and finally giving up on any attempt at getting married. This feeling of failure, disappointment, and loneliness has brought me to doing something that I’m not very proud of. I’m not so sure that it’s something that I need to talk to my bishop about. Even if it is, I still think that it’s a bit too embarrassing to directly admit to. I started it a few days ago, mainly to see what it was like and to pass the time. Now, I find myself looking for chances to do it more. I even think about it when I am out in public (but don’t admit to it). At this point, I fear it has become a habit. Now it’s gonna be hard to break this habit.

I realized I had a problem yesterday. I was in my room alone and I heard my mom coming. I tried to hide what I was doing but she walked right in on me. I didn’t know what to say.

I guess I should stop beating around the bush. If I don’t tell my friends about it, I can’t count on their support to help me get through this. It’s embarrassing, but it’s time to come clean.

I have been…scrapbooking.

I’m so ashamed! I’m sorry. I have let every man in my family down. I don’t know if there is any coming back from this. It’s not my fault, though. I had to do this.

You see, every guy I know has had his girlfriend/wife either help him on or do his mission scrapbook. Don’t label me as chauvinistic because of this. I don’t think it’s only a woman’s job. It is my memories after all. But it is a fact that girls possess a flair for this that us clumsy men lack - myself in particular. After over 4 years of being off my mission, I decided that I’m not going to get any help on this scrapbook. If I ever want my stacks of pictures, letters and memorabilia to take any form I have to take action alone.

If I had my computer, movie room, or more hours at work I would not be even thinking of going down this road. Either way, there you have it. I did successfully fulfill my goal of becoming bored, but in the shadow of this victory I am failing my manhood by scrapbooking. Whether or not I finish it, at least I’m working on it.

In hind sight, I need to start setting better goals. In fact, that’s my first new goal – to start setting better goals...which I am currently failing by making scrapbooking one of them.