Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie...

The cheapest and most desperate form of humanity on earth is a college student promised free stuff.

Today I was walking to my class when I was stopped by a table with signs offering free iPods. Like all other college students I stopped, inquired, filled out their survey and hoped to win.

I have class from 11 AM to 2 PM so I must eat lunch early - usually on the way to class. I had a few bagel bites on a plate next to me. The next thing I know some person places their hand over my food. Then this person says, "I'm taking this. It's mine now."

I had assumed that this was a friend of mine. I ignored it. But then the hand actually took the food. Still thinking it was a rather bold friend of mine I turned around saying, "A-hem. Can I help you?"

Just as I turned on my heels and finished my sentence I realized that it was someone I had never seen before. Staring back at me was a shocked Asian gal. She realized just then that she had been mistaken in assuming it was free food for the taking. Needless to say, she was embarrassed. She had picked up my bagel bite by firmly implanting her thumb into the cheese melted on the top. She decided placing it back was the best route. I explained to her that the last thing I wanted was to eat it. It was hers now.

It was my fault. If I had truly prized my food I should have guarded it like a mother hawk. On this campus, you must. Only moments later I heard other girls inquiring about the free pizza.

Other companies know that the students on a college campus will do anything for free stuff. Last year a bank wanted to have more of us go into their debt via credit cards. They had a table set up by the much applauded caf offering free t-shirts. The shirts were merely standard gray with the words "College" printed on it. That's it. Nothing else. Why would I want a shirt that advertises which tax bracket I fall in? I was thinking of getting a free wash rag, but I would have had to apply for a card to get it. I declined.

Over the following weeks I saw many of these cheap shirts wondering around. I think I should have a credit card company and do the same thing. The ones you get at high schools say, "High School." The ones at offices say, "White color laborer." The ones they offer at NASCAR races would likely say, "Redneck". At WNBA: "Feminists Lesbian". And of course, at radio stations: "Welfare recipient".

Lastly, the ones you get from my website/blog would read, "No life". Anybody want one?