"I'd like to be serious for a moment if I may. Spotlight please.Spot light turns on left of Krusty. He steps into the light saying, "I just wanted to...", just as it moves to the right. He steps right back in the light, "I just wanted to...", as the light moves back to the left. "Come on guys, I'm not doing the spotlight gag, I'm serious this time!" - Krusty the Clown in The Simpsons

I don't think I am the most intelligent guy in the world (my spelling will tell you that). I might just be the most funny guy, however. But today, I did stumble on a thought that I can't let slip away.
Within the last year I learned a lesson that I had never really understood before. I'm sure something just like it was taught to me in Sunday School, but I was probably pulling off my socks and trying to choke the Sun Beams in front of me with my clip on tie. Or maybe it was a lesson in Seminary when I was gazing at Amy sitting next to me and all I heard was my heart beat. All I know is, I was in Institute and something Bro. Brennan said hit me. It wasn't just what he said, although that was good too, but it was an idea that I got from him.

I guess the lesson of this last year has been a tuff one for me to get, but I think I finally do. No matter how hard you try, you cannot compensate for someone else's agency. And to do so would be the plan of Satan, even if you had the best of intentions. Bro. Brennan made mention to the famous quote, "All the world is a stage, and us it's players." He then spoke a bit on how being in this gospel is like knowing the lines. From there my mind went into overdrive.

I have been in my fair share of plays. I have seen them from many eyes. I have been backstage, on stage, in the audience and even up in the control room behind the audience. The most tense moment is when an actor forgets the lines. I think every actor can especially relate to this. But I also think that any experienced actor can attest that the most awkward time is not when you forget the lines, but when someone else does. The whole house is filled with tension. I compare the actor forgetting lines to a person who knows better yet sins. Let's compare the others.

First you have the other actors on stage. This is a good friend level. This is a person you spend free time with, see movies with, and sit around talking about music or movie quotes with. If an actor messes up, they often end somewhere in the middle of what should have been said or will jump over a page or two by accident. That person who transgressed is no longer in the spotlight. It is now the job of the other actors to compensate for the failure by figuring out what next line would be most appropriate. When an actor on stage messes up and I am there, I decide if I can say my next line and not make the other repeat what they just said or if I should also jump ahead and hope the others will know where I am going and follow. Sometimes there are others on stage and neither one knows which should speak next to cover; enter awkward silence.
When someone sins, they kinda put up the feet and say, "Tuff, I messed up. You want it right, you fix it." Then those left knowing the lines have to make right what was wrong with or without the help of the sinner. On stage is not that bad in the scheme of things because if you can see the way out, you have some control and can steer a clear path for all to follow.

Then you have the stage crew. This would be a casual acquaintance. You see them in the halls and say, "Hi" to them each time. You might sit next to them at lunch once in a while. You might as a group of friends go to see a movie. You don't call them just to talk, but you could if you wanted to. These "techies" as they are also known don't typically care for actors all that much anyway. When something goes bad they just wait it out. They don't seem to be that worried at all. They will yell obscenities about the offending actor (usually to each other, but don't care if others hear). They will wait till they hear a cue for a thunder sound effect or whatever it may be. If they know the line was close enough, they might do what they need, the sound or light cue, what ever. They do their job, not much more or less. If the effect is timed off, they don't care, it's the actors fault, and they know it and know that all in the house know. Often the world only gets mad at sinners for the inconvenience they are caused. The have little to no investment in the person, just a secondary goal that partly involves that person. In the end, their work is seen, they might have done fine, but no one remembers them from the performance and glances over the name in the program. They are happy to do the button push when told and if they just do that, they feel complete. How many times do we see it happening and think we will wait for a cue or just do our jobs with little regard for others?

Next we have the audience. They have it somewhat worse. This is like someone in your ward you recognize and might know the name of. You don't really socialize with them and have no relationship with them to speak of. You may think its someone cool and probably look up to them. You watch them from the distance. As the audience they can feel the tension, even if it seems as if the mistake is minor. If an actor is frozen, the audience is twice as attentive as ever and hangs on every decible possible. You watch and wonder what they could possibly do now to fix it. You start to almost cheer in your head for the poor guy. You will him to get the words right, but you know there is nothing you can do. You may even think that if you project your affection hard enough it may work. It never does. Then you begin to bank on the others to salvage the play once you give up on the actor. Either way, once it's over you don't think back to it as a big deal and it's forgotten, you seem only to have remembered it while there and involved. It's amazing how easily it's forgotten in the end.

Last you have the director. This is a parent, Spouse, Bishop or real close friend that you feel responsible for. You have worked with them, spent hours preparing them until you finally feel they are ready. You sit in the audience and watch with close intent. When the actors take all the hard work and training and virtually throw it out the window you merely sit by and watch. Your whole masterpiece and work is affected. You know you did all you could have, yet question to yourself if you should have done more. You think back to where you could have gone wrong or done better. It hurts to see everyone suffer, but like the audience you are with, there is nothing you can do at this point, they've grown up and left. When the performance is over (if it's not the last) you can try to strengthen those skills needed and hope that will do the trick. Again, you are reminded that all you can do is your job and put your trust in others to do theirs.

This past year and, yes, right now I see people in my life who are forgetting lines left and right. With some I get to be on stage and work with. Others I have the pain of being in the audience, feeling like the director.
It used to be that I would step in and offer all kinds of advice, try to steer the play in the right direction, but no one listens to the guy in the audience yelling. They just think he is crazy or heckling. I have forgot my line on some of the same plays they are now, or am so familiar with the text I can repeat it from heart. Yet this time, I accept my fate and do what is the hardest thing to do - nothing. I don't think we fully appreciate the quote of Joseph Smith who said, "I teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves."
It's not a cop-out to getting out of pulling your weight, its the hardest part of loving someone. Letting them make their own decisions regardless of what mess may come of it. Makes you wonder how God feels watching you.
There is my theme of '03-'04.
No matter how hard you try, you can't compensate for someone else's agency.

We now return to regular blogging...