Best Birth Control Scam Ever...

So, this week Anna came up to me and said she had a special Christmas gift for me. I could tell by her tone that I was not going to like it. She pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to me to read. Being a doctor's note, it was nearly illegible. I was able to make out one word: "intercourse." Anna helped fill in the blanks. Basically, Anna handed me a doctor's note excusing her from "intercourse." I guess the days of "I have a headache" are behind us. Now it's a proven medical necessity.

I instinctively laughed at first. Then it sunk in, this was real. Wait... real? Really real? Yes.

It turns out Anna had just had an injection of birth control. Due to the injections, she cannot have intercourse or she runs the risk of being pregnant. That's when this amazing dichotomy struck me.

"You mean to tell me, that you were just given birth control, to keep you from getting pregnant. But as a result of this birth control, you cannot have intercourse, or you run the risk of getting pregnant?" She confirmed.

It seems to me that any form of birth control that only works while you are abstinent is... genius! Why didn't I think of that? I should be out there selling this product. Any concerned parent of a high schools age child would be interested in this product, if it worked. It clearly has a market. After all, my wife jumped at the chance to get it. She was so excited by the prospect that she had the doctor change the note from, "no intercourse for 3 weeks" to "no intercourse for 4 weeks." Hmm....was that really necessary? So much for a romantic anniversary tonight...

The Sky Isn't Falling, The Sky Isn't Falling...

In case you were wondering, the world won't end Dec 21, 2012. And I'm a pretty good source of this knowledge, as I am in Guam, the other side of the dateline from most of the word, and therefore already in the future. Indeed, Dec 21, 2012 came and went already where I am, and we are still here. Once again, Future Jared to the rescue...

Four More Tears...er...Years...

Well, it's all over but the crying. Obama managed to win again. If I hadn't lost my faith in the current voting system before, I have now. On the bright side, a bad economy is good for investors...

Pick Moe Cotton...

I don't know much about Moe Cotton, but he's got my attention now...

Go out and vote!!! (Unless you are this person)

Three's a Company, Four's a Full House...

Today, we had a new edition to our family. We have been anxiously awaiting this little bundle for a while. My hope was for a Halloween baby, but it wasn't in the cards. Instead, Benji decided to be punctual and arrive exactly on his due date, something that I hear is only done about 5% of the time.

We knew the time was at hand about 10pm on Nov 3. All night, Anna had very long, frequent and painful contractions. We slept off and on until about 2am when we gave up and knew it was time to call the birthing center. At the advice of the birthing center, we stopped by a 24 hour grocery market to get some snacks and Gatorade.

Once we were in our room, much to Anna's chagrin, I started setting up my cameras, tripods and computer equipment. But, at Anna's request, I left the 3D camera in the car. 

By 6am, it was time for the real final stretch. Poor Anna hadn't slept well for 2 days, so she was totally exhausted. It was a long haul for the last couple hours. Before long, Anna was pleading for a C-section, not that anyone could blame her. However, by 9:03am, Benjamin Warren Bodine was signed sealed and delivered! 

Benji's first picture... (...out of the womb.)

Mom gets some bonding time seconds after the birth.

As soon as Benji was out, everybody in the room was in awe at his size. Some of the staff guessed he was nearly 9 lbs. And for a small girl like Anna, that's even more amazing. 

Birth is not just exhausting for mommy...

First grooming.

After some cleaning and protocol, we found the final stats.

Weight: 9lb 2oz. Length: 21.5 inches. This is a big kid!

We spent the next 24 hours in the birthing center recovering and bonding. When we came home, our 2 1/2 year old, Maia, was still taking her nap. When she woke up, I came into her room, told her we had a special surprise for her. We walk over to the crib and on first sight Maia giggles. "Baby Benji! Hi!" And she blows him a kiss. Off to a good start. That affection will wain once she realizes how much attention mom gives him.

So, we are now a family of 4. I tease Anna that we need to have another 11 boys, to make it a dozen. This pregnancy was pretty hard on Anna and she's feeling done. Truthfully, I'm content. We have a great full family and couldn't ask for more.

PETA Is Right, Animals Are Smarter Than Humans...

I just hope she's not a registered voter...

You Must Be Confusing Me With My Brother...

I grew a beard in May as part of my "vacation scruff." It seemed to fit my face surprising well, so I've kept it. No one in Guam has questioned it beyond the typical "why did you grow it" question. Mostly, people have been telling me that it looks good, helps me look distinguished and ages me up some. All things I can do with.

I have had some people (all from the mainland U.S.) ask if someone with my church calling, Stake Presidency, is allowed to have a beard. After the first prophet of the restoration, Joseph Smith, every LDS prophet until David O. McKay had facial hair. After that time, there seemed to be an unofficial policy change that Church leaders no longer were to have facial hair. Indeed, many Church leaders have received council in certain circumstances to shave. Employees of the Church and students of Church-owned universities are restricted from facial hair (with the exception of a finely trimmed mustache, oddly). I do not know for certain, but I suspect the General Authorities (a more select group of leaders over larger geographical areas) would be asked to shave when called into those positions.

So, I understand why some people ask, "Are you allowed to have a beard?" There is no official Church policy that I could identify in the current handbooks that say one way or the other. I'm not completely devoted to my beard, but I do plan to keep it for a while. Most members in church have even told me privately that I look better with the beard than without. If my leader tells me it has to go, I won't get offended, I can get rid of it. But, for now, I like it. In fact, it's had a mostly positive effect in church.

A couple of weeks ago, a member of my church came up to me and told me about his son. At the beginning of church, the son looked up at the stand where I was sitting, pointed to me and said to his dad excitedly, "Jesus!"

I like to think that it my countenance and not just the beard that led him to that conclusion...

I don't have a better picture of the beard yet, but you get the idea.

The Littlest Giant...

My favorite band, They Might Be Giants, recently did a revamp of their children's song "The Alphabet of Nations." They called for pictures of kids from these different countries. Naturally, I submitted pictures of Maia. And she made the cut!

Ah, fame. For a signed photo of Maia, please send $1,000 dollars and a pre-paid stamped envelope to us. No refunds...

A Little Poem for Free Stuff...

I submitted a short little poem to enter a contest to win a new tablet from ViewSonic. So, go here http://blog.viewsonic.com/tablet-contest/#comment-314 to read it and give me positive reviews so I can win. All winnings will probably go to my wife. She'll appreciate your vote...

Name That Chick...!

With a baby on the way, we thought it would be nice if Maia were to not kill him the first five minutes after we brought him home. And, Anna has been looking on a friend's blog who has pet chick's for the kids to play with. That seemed like a good "starter" for Maia to learn how to be gentle, and fun for her, too. So, we got ourselves a baby chick.

Maia was so excited when we brought that chick home that she was literally shaking. We've been working on getting it food and shelter. But there is one thing have not been able to get it, and we need YOUR help...


So to recap, if you leave a comment on this blog post with your name submission, you can receive $150 USD (may be in shredded form) and a signed picture of the chick with its new winning name! Submissions must be in by July 1, 2012 Midnight Guam Time. The winner will be announced on July 4. Good luck!

It's A Boy...!

Today we had the official ultrasound for our new baby. Unlike Maia, this one was very helpful and liked to pose for photos. We've been hoping for a boy, and therefore calling the baby "him" or even by his soon-to-be nickname, "Benji" which will be short for Benjamin Warren Bodine. The ultrasound confirmed that he is indeed a he. 

Great profile shot. Thanks for posing, Benji! (Sorry you got your monther's nose.)

Yes, this is indeed a boy. It seems there is not much room for error.

Benji is due on Halloween, and this image shows he can be pretty scary looking when he wants to.

Lost In Translation...I Hope...

Saw this sign in Hong Kong. Not sure exactly what they mean, and I'm not sure I want to...

Maia University...

Green Eggs and Spam...

Today is the 108th Birthday of Dr. Seuss. Our local library (and the only public library left in Guam) had a bit of a celebration. It was mostly organized chaos, but still good fun. Maia was pretty excited when she saw the Cat in Hat, a celebrity she has gotten to know in the past year. He would keep pointing to Mr. Hat and tap her head saying, "Hat. Hat."

At the conclusion of the program, there was plenty of food. And what kind of Dr. Seuss party would it be without Green Eggs and Ham? Well, it would be a Chomorro one, I guess. When you mix Island culture in you get Green Eggs and Spam. Close enough...

He passed on years ago, but he will always have a lasting impact on the world as long it contains children. Happy Birthday,  Theodor Seuss Geisel!

The Pink Fairy of Guam...

Mommy says that one day Maia saw this clothes in the house and just had to wear it. So, they donned the duds and did an impromptu photo shoot. Considering this was done with a simple point and shoot, some of these pics came out pretty darn good. Here's my favorite.

 

And I saved my favorite for last:

Another Milestone for Maia...

Today our 20 month old potty training toddler had an accident-free day. It's always a proud day when your child exceeds you...