Bu-hu for Hulu...

I'm not quite sure how I stumbled upon it. One day during my constant search for technological enlightenment, I discovered a site called Hulu. This site is one of the many new services that offers high quality video streaming of some of the best TV shows available. Nearly any TV show I ever have a hankerin' for is there. And, it's all free. The interface is nice. The selection is good. The service is speedy. What's not to love?

I send in my request to be part of the exclusive membership. I was approved and rushed to the URL of new opportunities. I filled out my customer number, added my zip code and viola! I was on.

Oh the selection! What to watch first? Classic Simpsons humor? Edgy Family Guy moments? Gripping Prison Break suspense? How about exploring new shows like "Total Recall 2070"? In less than five minutes my decision making efforts proved fruitless.

Attempt after attempt brought the same result: "Unfortunately, this video is not currently available in your country or region. We apologize for the inconvenience." Quothe the Simpsons, "D'oh!"

Just as I think I can enjoy some of the perks of American ingenuity my locale stops me short again. As usual, I had to send an email to support explaining that Guam is in fact part of the very same United States that they know and love. My email is below.

I live in Guam (96913). It is part of the US and is American soil. We have 110 power, use the United States Postal Service, drive on the right side of the road and even hate our local DMV as much as any US city. But often we are the forgotten "little guys" that appear not to be on the fringe of the US, but rather, part of some foreign entity. Sadly, Hulu is part of the mistaken many. The elation of my recent registration was quickly hampered by the denial of service for each requested video. Oh the humanity!

Please, do what you can to ensure that us red-blooded Americans who enjoy Hollywood hilarity and dicey drama get the privilege of joining you in the mirth and merriment of the small screen.

Sincerely,

Jared Bodine, Guam resident and true American.

I haven't heard back yet, but I hope my creative writing and light tone might just win over enough hearts to get the job done. I have had to explain the situation of Guam's political alignment so often that I've decided to prepare a form letter that may be used for any occasion.

I figure by the time I have it completed and succeed in getting all major US enterprises to recognize Guam, I'll have left the island, created my own company, and will have left "GU" off the pull down list for "State."

Computa Crackahs Be Dangerous...

I subscribe to a Word of the Day list from Whatis.com, a computer geek site. Today's word was "Rootkit." Although I knew what a rootkit was, I was sure surprised by some info in this one.

"A rootkit is a collection of tools (programs) that enable administrator-level access to a computer or computer network. Typically, a cracker installs a rootkit on a computer after first obtaining user-level access..."

What?! Did I read that right? Crackers such as myself install rooktits? I know that statistically Caucasians are more likely to be involved in this, but really, I don't think this is any reason to bring race into the matter.

What's next?

"Typically, a Russkie sends a phishing attack to rob you blind..."

Guam's Bottom Ten...

Yeah, this list was by far easier to compile than Guam's Top Ten. I try to be more optimistic than pessimistic, but finding my misgivings with Guam was easier than spotting a rusted-out abandoned car on the side of the road.

• 10. Traffic and Road Conditions
• 9. Distance
• 8. Public Utilities
• 7. Natural Disasters
• 6. Public Education
• 5. Cell Phone Coverage
• 4. Taxes
• 3. Shopping
• 2. Corruption and Nepotism
• 1. The DMV (a.k.a. The Devil's Armpit)

10. Traffic and Road Conditions

It's a sad thing when the main road in Guam, Route 1, looks like it still has bomb holes from WWII. I have to bob and weave like a dizzy George Foreman to avoid flattening a tire on a lazy Sunday drive. The only parts of the road where you could go fast are so congested you wonder where all of these cars could have come from. I've heard that there is an average of two cars per person on this island - and it's a small island.

9. Distance

In order to visit my family I have to travel half way around the world and pay about 2 grand. Good thing they in the western US.

8. Public Utilities

Power, water, telephone, garbage collection. All things that you should never depend on if you live here. The constantly inflating power cost is about 4 times per kilowatt hour as it is in mainland US, if it happens to be on that week. The water is technically safe to drink, but don't count on it. The Telephone system was so bad they had to try privatizing it so people would stop bashing the government. And the garbage men leave trash behind that little Asian grandmas are capable of putting out if it "feels" too heavy...assuming they manage to come around at all.

7. Natural Disasters

I've felt at least a dozen earth quakes in my first six months here. Luckily none big enough for damage yet. I've had two typhoon warnings and again, dodged the bullet. Anyone who's lived here long enough could tell you horror stories of weeks upon weeks without power and possibly food while hoping your house can get fixed. That is part of the price of paradise.

6. Public Education

I heard that the public education in Hawaii was the worst in the 50 states. If they included the territories and protectorates, I'm sure Guam would be the top of that list. I have a friend who used to teach in Guam's public school system (GPSS). GPSS is so poor that she had to provide pencils, paper and even toilet paper for her own students. That was out of her paycheck and with the assumption that that week her check wouldn't bounce. GPSS's water bill is so far behind payments that Guam waterworks authority has had to threaten and even take away the water. Power bills are in the same status. And the only main office supply company has such a bad past with GPSS that they only take orders with cash in hand.

5. Cell Phone Coverage

Honestly, how hard can it be to cover an island that's only 10 x 40 miles?! They say that the US is about 4 years behind Asia and Europe on cell phone tech. For Guam, double that.

4. Taxes

My manager recently just got his 2003 tax return - at the end of 2007. If you pay late you sure as heck get notified quickly. Hypocrites.

3. Shopping

Every store on this rock has to import inventory. And for their trouble, they hike the price up beyond reason. Ordering online is a good idea, except you often have to pay international shipping. More often than not, any good online store won't even ship to Guam.

2. Corruption and Nepotism

If your family name is Cruz, Gutierrez, Calvo, Aguon or other select few, then you have it made. Through no effort on your own part, you can be elected into office or manage a very successful business (or get paid for doing nothing). Truly, in Guam it's not what you know, but who you kno...er...are related to. And once you've made it, you're in. The corruption at all levels of government is astounding. I particularly enjoy reading regularly of corruption in the police department that is supposed to be on our side. I'd say that a good 90% of all Guam's shortcomings could be cleared up if we had honest, qualified and trustworthy people in our government and institutions.

1. The DMV (a.k.a. The Devil's Armpit)

One year ago I had a dream of getting a Guam driver's license. After a mere one year, two mandatory $60 driver's ed classes, compulsory 6 month permit holding period, 50 clocked hours of practice driving, half a dozen trips to the DMV, hours of line waiting, a $20 written test, a two month waiting term for the road test, a $10 license fee, and, of course, the hair-pulling frustration of dealing with DMV employees, my dream came true. And don't get me started on the act of congress in cooperation with God that it took to get the DMV to change the incorrect spelling of my wife's name on her license. When the Rapture comes, I wouldn't stand too close to the DMV if I were you.




Don't take this post as my swan song for Guam. Goods and bads tallied up, we are not moving anywhere any time soon. The life and times of the Bodine Family are passing pleasantly. That day will come when its time to kiss Guam goodbye. For now, I continue silently taking notes on the oddities of life in Guam.

Guam's Top Ten...

I've been here for going on two years. In that time, I've been able to get a real feel for what makes Guam both great and grievous. First list, Guam's Top Ten.

• 10. Weather
  
• 9. Casual
  
• 8. Travel
  
• 7. Something Going On
  
• 6. Local Food
  
• 5. Proximity
  
• 4. Friendly
  
• 3. Culture
  
• 2. Scuba Diving
  
• 1. Natural Beauty
  

10. Weather

Some people may hate frequent rain, storm-like weather and cloudy skies. But not me. It seems that there is rain when it gets too hot and sunshine when you need some outdoor fun. I admit, it's a bit hot and humid for me sometimes, but a good sweat is often just what I need.

9. Casual

Sure, I have to wear a white shirt and tie to work. But if I go to a birthday party or even a wedding, shorts and slippahs will do the trick. And even then I'm still slightly over dressed comparatively.

8. Travel

You can see the entire island at once from the airplane. It's easy to feel trapped in the middle of nowhere from time to time. If you wanna go somewhere exotic, or even just somewhere else it's never too hard or far away. In three hours I could be in any of 5 or more countries, and all for less than $500 on a costly flight.

7. Something Going On

You'd be surprised how many kids say that there is nothing to do in Guam. If you like to sit around, that will feel true. Anybody motivated to have a good time will have no shortage of fun. There's hotel road with 24-hour life for locals and tourists alike. Boonie Stomping through the jungle, swimming in crystal clear reefs, Geocaching or anything else you imagine doing.

6. Local Food

I thought that I'd be eating basically the same food here as I had in Hawaii. Sure, there are some similarities, but the differences were nothing but satisfying surprises. Red rice, Keleguan, and Finideni (don't check my spelling) are just some of the best things that I could describe. But, any attempt to do so would be a far cry from the justice those delicious delights deserve. You'll just have to visit me here and let me take you to a grand fiesta.

5. Proximity

It's refreshing when a 5 mile drive feels like a long commute. When you stay on island long enough you get so used to things being close you can't image it any other way. One can circle the island in a few hours drive with time to sight see along the way. At most, it will take me one hour to get anywhere I want on island - during rush hour.

4. Friendly

Despite cultural differences and misunderstandings, interaction with most locals is friendly. When I first arrived here, I was clearly a new outsider coming in. In a place with small communities like this, feeling like an outcast is usually the norm. Rather, I felt like I was instantly accepted and welcomed home.

3. Culture

Much like the exotic Hawaiians, Guam's indigenous people, the Chamorro, have a rich heritage and are proud of it. I'll never understand Chamorro, but I can stand in awe of those that do.

2. Scuba Diving

I have been scuba diving a lot here. Not only is Guam just about the cheapest place in the world to scuba dive, but also the best. A walk out from any number of a hundred places and you'll have a dive that other people wait a lifetime to experience.

1. Natural Beauty

Like any tropical locale, there is never a shortage of natural beauty. Just about anywhere you are on the island has something nice to look at. Whether tropical greenery or azure oceans you'll have a hard time getting used to seeing a glimpse of paradise every day.

Jared the Builder...

"Yes we can!"
- Bob the Builder

Earlier this spring, I was sitting at my desk working when I got a phone call from a random stranger in Mesa, AZ. They called the only number for the Church they could find for Guam. They were planning on coming to Guam to install some security barriers on Anderson Base in the Fall. They needed some local contact they could trust as well as some local manpower. I became both.

Rather than try to explain what they do, I'll just refer you to their sadly basic website for that.

At first most of what I did was just good ole manual labor. Digging holes, moving dirt, then filling those holes back up with "special" dirt. And then that same dirt that I dug out goes back in the same hole. I didn't realize that when school teachers gave us busy work that they were actually preparing us for the real world. I still don't see where trigonometry fit in...

I used to have a desk job...

I also learned the repetitive and tedious task of trying rebar. Fun fun. We had to tie hundreds of intersections together. We created a frame to bury the type of barrier that we put in.

It took many truck loads of concrete to bury all of our hard work.

Livn' on the Edge

Paul, one of the guys from Mesa, loved the tool called a Concrete Vibrator that jiggles the concrete into every small crevice and corner as he giggles about the name.

This is called a, what?

After the dust settled and the concrete hardened, we put on the to plates that weigh about 2 ton each.

Then came the part that I was brought in for initially. This company has people that do the wiring on these things for controls and whatnot. However, they did not have that person on the island. So, I became that person. I know my way around basic electronics, so I figured it couldn't be that hard.

All but Paul shown above with the vibrator left the island for another gig leaving me to do this.

Um, Can I?!

Of course, this challenge wouldn't be complete if they had left me with schematics or blue prints. Nope, no instructions. Just luck.

Fortunately, there was a third party safety supervisor on site that had his own copy of the manual and he lent me his. That made the spaghetti wiring seem a bit less daunting.

I had some late nights and some days I had to take off from my 9-5er, but somehow the job got finished. Some relief crew came after we finished one side and started the other, so I was not stuck in the same situation for the second round, now that I knew what I was doing.

After all said and done, I broadened my horizon of experience, I earned some extra cash, and gained some muscle and sunlight. Good times. I may not seem like a knuckle dragger or grease monkey, but every once in a while I surprise myself.

Yes, I Can!

World, meet Jared the Builder!