Racial Identity...

Racial identity is a funny thing. In 2014 there was a study that found millions of American change their racial identity on occasions, particularly many hispanic individuals began reporting themselves as white. And we can't forget NAACP leader Rachel Dolezal who was quite genealogically white, yet identified as black (and fooled others to believe she was black for quite some time as well).

In our family, race is understandably a bit less...er, black and white. I guess you could say we put the "asian" in "caucasian." While I know that I am as white as sunscreen on cream cheese, I can't help but feel that we are a predominantly Asian family. My wife is Vietnamese, and our kids are 50/50, so we as a family unit are as caucasian as we are Asian. But in our family traditions, diet, and other ways we align with the Asian culture more than our neighbors. I still have difficulty keeping my shoes on when I visit the homes of friends.

What got me thinking about this subject today was something I observed in my three-year-old, Benji. Anna has been endeavoring to keep the apps on his hand-me-down iPad educational rather than solely for entertainment. So, when adding and inspecting an app for Benji, she chose an avatar for him. This app has a set number of choices. Anna chose the young asian boy avatar for Benji, since that is the closest approximation she could see.

Then later, I was watching Benji play with that app. He found the settings and when browsing the avatar choices, changed his likeness to a boy of the same age, but white. It was clear to me, that Benji currently sees himself more like that boy than the one Anna had selected for him. It's interesting to know how your children see themselves. I wonder if we had stayed in Guam with a more diverse culture if he would see himself more like the Asian avatar or still as the white one.

I have yet to ask Maia how she sees herself. I'm sure this is an issue that will come into play more as our children grow up.

Although I am spending time to blog about this, I don't really understand the big issue with racial identity. It used to frustrate me how much we hear about and debate on race issues in our media and culture, and now I'm just burned out on the subject.

I miss Guam in that way; we were all of a different (and often mixed) race. That consistent diversity kept us all feeling a bit more equal in a way. Sure we acknowledge cultural differences and would have some racial clicks, but our forced proximity and volume of diversity make the subject a non-issue. I remember someone visiting me at work one day and observing that I was the only white guy in my office. I hadn't even noticed it until that point. I was. And it didn't matter. And it was great.

Now back in the racially heated contiguous 48, I feel like there is no escape from the constant onslaught of these biases and issues.  I'm not pointing fingers or blaming anyone. It is the way it is. And I wish it could be different.

I wish we could all just see that we are all of some mixed-race of some kind and we all come from diverse backgrounds. At some point in our past we all share common ancestors. I would like to think we could keep that in mind when we interact with each other, but I'm not naive enough to think that will happen any time soon.

At any rate, my point is that this is all a matter of perspective. If we could be more empathetic and identify with some aspect of other ethnicities, we could be more understanding of each other. That's not to say I support the deception of Rachel Dolezal. We should also be true to who we really are. But if we could learn to identify with other races, in some way, we could let the little unintentional gafs go and start the healing.

I'm not an Asian, and no, I don't play one on TV. But after the experiences I've had over the past decade of my life, I can understand how one would start to feel as if their cultural, and even racial, identity can drift. Our little blended family can't even agree on our race. But we still do now and always will love each other for who we are. And that is enough.

The Patron Saint of Bendy Straws...

Guam is a very Catholic island. I didn't grow up in a Catholic community so I'm still learning a lot about all of the holidays and numerous patron saints. One I'm still trying to figure out is St. Andrew, who, as far as I can tell, is the patron saint of bendy straws. Am I misinterpreting this sculpture somehow...?

The Barrigada Guam Stake...

If you are not familiar with the structure of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, than telling you that we now have a stake in Guam means nothing.

Let me break it down. We have two types of congregations, Branches and Wards. A group of Branches makes a District. A group of Wards makes a Stake. It's like the difference between a high school football team and the NFL. A high school team (District) has the same rules and basic game play as the NFL (Stake). But high schools have smaller fields, bleachers, and crowds. And the players are a bit less experienced; not quite ready for the big leagues.

After years of trying, the Guam District has been "upgraded" to the level of a Stake. One key difference is that a District is run by outside counsel, often from mainland US. In a Stake, the leadership is all locals. There are other blessings that come with the change, such as High Priests and Patriarchs, but I think you get the idea.

To make the transition from District to Stake, we had one of the 12 Apostles, Elder L. Tom Perry come to Guam. Some TV stations felt his visit was worth reporting. The best coverage is here:



Part of Elder Perry's visit included choosing the first Stake President. To help him choose the right person within a short time frame, a pre-screened list was prepared. On this list was all of the current local Branch and District leaders. I was on that list.

When my interview came I was a bit less nervous than I would have expected. Partly because I had already met Elder Perry. The day before, he was having connectivity issues with his iPad and cell phone. I was asked to fix both.

During my interview Friday night, Elder Perry saw on my biographical information sheet that I was serving as clerk. He expressed how valuable that position was. He didn't say in so many words, but he seemed to recommend I continue on as Stake Clerk to ease into the transition. I expected that.

The next morning (Saturday) I got a call just before noon. I was about to put Maia down for a nap and grab lunch with Anna when my phone rang. It was the mission president asking me to go to the mission office immediately. I figured they wanted to extend the call as Clerk to me in person. I wasn't expecting that, but was ok with it. They also asked me to bring Anna and Maia.

When we got there we all sat down together. Elder Perry, Elder Stevenson (of the Seventy) and the new soon-to-be-called Stake President. Elder Perry asked Anna if I was nice to her. She hesitated for a second and then answered in the affirmative. Then I was asked if I would accept my new stake calling. Of course, I accepted the call.

After the short meeting, Anna asked if she could get a picture with Elder Perry. We got two. One where Elder Perry is looking down at Maia. One where Anna is blinking. And on both, Maia is on the verge of crying. She missed her nap - I don't think she was afraid of Elder Perry.




After this we were whisked away to a meeting with Elder Perry. He gave us great advice for starting up a new Stake. After that, we had only a couple hours free. It would take us 45 minutes to an hour round trip to go home and come back, so we stayed at the chapel. I set up for the Stake Conference Adult Session that night. Then we had dinner together as a group. Despite skipping lunch, I strangely had no appetite. Then we attended the night session of conference. I got home after 10pm and was exhausted.

The next morning (Sunday) I again went to the chapel early to set things up. When the time came, Elder Stevenson had asked for a sustaining vote to create the new Barrigada Guam Stake. I had no idea it was put to vote. It was unanimous. Then he asked for the sustaining of Arthur Clark as Stake President. He'd been the previous District President and did a great job. No surprises there. Then it was time to sustain Tom Clark as 1st Counselor. He was also in the last District Presidency and not a surprise. Then they called for the 2nd Counselor...Jared W Bodine. It was like in the movies when someone says something audacious in a courtroom. There was a small flurry of quite whispers. Clearly, I was the dark horse.

So now, Guam begins its journey as the Church's newest Stake. When I spoke on Sunday, I related it to a time I was a Boy Scout in Arizona. We hiked into the Grand Canyon to a place called Havasupai. It was a brutal summer hike down. The first thing I did was get into my swimsuit and relax in the cool Colorado river at the bottom. It wasn't long before I realized that despite my victorious triumph at making camp, I was still at the bottom of the world's largest canyon. The true work of getting out lay ahead of me. We have become a Stake and now we must take our new small stake and develop it into a strength in the community.

I'm grateful for the opportunity we have here in Guam. I'm looking forward to the coming months and am grateful that I get to be here for this historic event. Everyone in Guam will have their role to play and I'm grateful for mine. Basically, I'm just grateful all around.

Here's to the Barrigada Guam Stake, the first of hopefully many in Guam.

Special Formula...

Now that I have a baby, I find myself in isles of the grocery store I never visited before. On my last visit I found a special kind of baby formula.



We have a phrase here for things like this, "O-I-G!" That stands for "Only In Guam" and is quite apropos here.

Thanksgiving 2010...

This was Maia's first Thanksgiving. Neither Anna nor I have family in Guam, so we spent most of the day at home, just the three of us. In the evening we went to some friend's house where we got to have traditional turkey and mashed potatoes (as well as all the other fixings). I failed to take pictures during the feast.

The next morning, since I still had work off, we went to the beach for a do-it-yourself photo shoot. Despite being an island girl, Maia has never been to the beach. Well, when she was one month old, we did go to a beach park, but didn't even get on the sand. Maia turned 6 months old the day before Thanksgiving, so we felt it was time to take some pics to remind ourselves that we do live on an island.

This is the result of us trying to make Maia look at the camera. It was a lot of work!

And now we are sitting at home, enjoying being together and feeling thankful for it.

Look At Me...

I think it is clear that I like being noticed. I care more about people reading my blog than most teenage girls. But that notoriety comes at a cost.

I've lived in Yigo for only 10 months. In that space of time, I've been asked to speak in my church's sacrament meeting 3 times. And its not like you think. I'm not the only white returned missionary here. I'm in a U.S. military branch. I should blend into the wallpaper here. But alas, my peacock personality just shines through. Cured be my affable aurora. I don't mind speaking in sacrament at all, but why can I get as many people in the congregation to visit my blog?

Would it be inappropriate to stand up, give out my URL to my talk and sit down? Two birds, one stone...

Baby Blunders and a Liberating Day...

I've mentioned in past posts about Guam Liberation Day. It's a big holiday here, much more celebrated than the 4th of July. This is the day that American forces took back the island from the Japanese during WWII. I've only been on island for it once before, my first year here. And I know that some people didn't care for my new-to-Guam "haole" view of it. Well, to be fair, it was mostly gut reactions, partially inflammatory for the sake of being interesting to read and my own views have changed quite a bit since then. Being the first time in 4 years that I'd be on Guam for Liberation Day, I thought I would go. But...

It also is the day that Anna's mom chose to go home. Because I love to play to stereotypes, I've made all sorts of remarks regarding living with my mother-in-law. I am probably the only guy in the world that took his mother-in-law with him on his honeymoon to Maui. So when Anna's mom chose Liberation Day as the day to go back to Vietnam I joked with my acquaintances that it truly was "Liberation Day" in more ways than one.

We drove her to the airport this morning for a 5am flight. By the time we got home, we were too tired to sit at any parade. Maybe we'll see the celebration next year.

Maybe having a wife and baby has softened me some, but rather than continue my facade of unabashed funny man, I have to admit that she will be missed. Anna and I have been able to sleep through the night thanks to mother-in-law's willingness to stay up with Maia. And when I go to work all day, Anna has someone to speak to. It can get lonely at home with an infant all day. And mother-in-law is always ready to do laundry, dishes or cook a meal. But...

The critical funny man can't stay away for too long. Frankly, I'm glad babies are made of 90% rubber the first year. Because if not, I would be afraid to leave Maia alone with those two.

Anna's mom is an OBGYN in Vietnam. And she specialized in baby delivery. She is also a mother. So, naturally, you'd think that she would be a natural for taking care of a baby, right? Hm, maybe not. I wonder how Anna survived. Seeing Anna and her mom struggling to figure out diapers, I just sigh and walk away.

Early on I'd notice that Anna would just rock or put Maia down after a feeding. Her mom would often take Maia and hold her. I noticed that nowhere in the feeding process was anyone burping anyone. I had to explain to then that a burping should come with every feeding. It was odd being the one with the maternal instinct. That was when I first realized that maybe I should stick by just in case.

Anna is a first-time mother and only child. So, her exposure to children is very limited. And since Anna is an only child, her mom only scrapped by once. She just delivers babies, she doesn't take care of them afterward. I imagine her mom helped out a lot with Anna.

It took them both to bathe Maia. With mother-in-law gone, I assisted Anna today. While rinsing her up I asked Anna if she got Maia's armpits. Anna replied that she couldn't because she didn't want to bend her arm wrong. So, I reached in and suddenly skin was rolling off like dried rubber cement. Somehow, despite the two adults over a two month period of frequent washings, Maia had never once had her armpits cleaned. I will have to explain how joints work later.

Despite the regular minor infractions to child-rearing 101, I was a bit amused watching two of the three stooges at work. It almost reminded me of the Aborigines and the Coke bottle from "The Gods Must Be Crazy." Anna being topless all day helped solidify the comparison.

I did get a bit upset when I found out that Anna's mom thought Maia was thirsty, so fed her water rather than milk. Do I really need to explain this one? I later found out it was only a spoonful, but still.

I've now said enough to get Anna thoroughly mad at me. I should probably switch back to my maudlin, sentimental voice...

Anna's mom has come and gone. And despite it being Liberation Day, I know that with her absence, I am anything but liberated. All of the help and tireless assistance she offered has left with her. The stereotype demands that I don't get along with my mother-in-law, but I just have to buck tradition here. The language gap isn't what kept us from squabbling. Anna's mom is very giving. She is caring. She is thoughtful and friendly. And why would I expect anything else? After all, look at how great Anna turned out.

Now, how do I set up internet surveillance so I can keep an eye on Anna with the baby?

Just Felt a 5.9 Magnitude Earthquake...

Just felt a 5.9 magnitude earthquake that originated between here in Guam and Saipan. That's where they dumped Megatron in "Transformers." Be vigilant...

A Brand New Year...

So after Saipan and Tinian we had a couple days left to enjoy home with my parents. We spent a lot of time working on the house as well. The yard looks a bit like jungles of the Amazon. With my parents help, it’s become a bit more like the Serengeti. I hope to make it somewhere safe enough to let little Maia run around back there safely. It’s surprising that a small yard can have so many hidden dangers. Holes, rocks, block, bricks, pipes and even a door to two. Every time I clean up I find a new item. Yesterday I found a dog bowl. I wonder how long before I find the remains of said dog...

My parents last night in Guam was Dec 31. My district was having a big New Year’s Eve bash which I was asked to DJ. So, I had to be there for sure. The party ran through midnight and ended shortly thereafter. My parents had to be at the airport at 5am. Yeah, we were anticipating to be tired.

The party was fun. I think that despite the lack of sleep the party went well and it was fun to DJ again. I used to DJ parties for a living back in Arizona, so it was like riding a bike...but to new and less enjoyable music.

Rather than drive all the way back to my house only to sleep for a couple hours and then take my parents back down to the airport we just stayed a bit late at the chapel for cleanup and then made our way to the airport. They were able to access the President’s Club and rest there for a few hours until the flight out.

So, our great big holiday season wound down very nonchalantly. My parents are back home, I’m back to the daily grind as is Anna. We are both returning to our routines with the knowledge and in a very short time from now, it’ll all be changed again with the arrival of our first child. And hopefully by then I’ll be more vigilant about documenting it all. Oh, sure, there’ll be plenty of pictures and video clips of Maia (or maybe Benji). But, somehow, I have a feeling that blogging about life will take a back seat to living it. Here's to a brand new year.

'round Guam...

The first day my parents were here we had the ultrasound. The second and third day we saw the island.

It started with a drive down south, stopping at all the WWII stuff we could find. My dad likes the war stuff.

This memorial is at Asan beach, one of two locations where the US approached when re-taking the island.

Caves and fallout shelters left behind by the Japanese are common here.

After some WWII stuff, we went to Tolofofo Falls. These are picturesque falls and also the spot where a Japanese soldier, Yokoi, lived in a homemade cave and hid from the war for 28 (or so) years. Some call him a hero, others think he was a moron. I'll let you be the judge.









And we also saw relics from the old Spanish rule.

This is an old courtyard in downtown Hagatna.

This is Fort Soledad, where the TV show Amazing Race filmed two years ago.

And, of course, we saw some Chamorro stuff. The Chamorro are the indigenous people of Guam. One of the most iconic symbols of Guam is the Latte Stone. These stones go so far back in Chamorro history that they don't have any actual evidence of what they were used for, but it's pretty well accepted that they were foundations for homes.

These Latte Stones were found in a village down south that was annihilated by US soldiers in WWII, so they were brought to central Hagatna.

We concluded the day by visiting Chamorro Village. And out-door market place that comes alive every Wednesday. Mom bought trinkets to bring home and they got to try some local food. They even had a carabao there. In Guam, a Carabao is nothing like the ones you have heard of before. Really, it'a a water buffalo. It reminds me of the Veggie Tales song. Here, that song is safe to play because it's not too hard to own a water buffalo. This one had a Santa hat on for the tourist to pose with. I didn't want to pay for a pic, so I just snuck this one in quickly so you could get the idea.



Tomorrow, we are going to really play tourist by relaxing all day at a resort.

You Can't Go Home Again, But Home Can Come To You...

Since I have left my childhood home for my mission, I hadn't spent more than a couple of years at the same home. On my mission I moved every couple months. I went home for just under two years before moving back to Hawaii to go to school. Then I moved every semester or two. After that I moved into an apartment. So, it's nice to finally have a home of my own that I plan to stay in for a while.

There's something nice about being the master of your castle. But at the same time, there's a lot of responsibility and work. I worked full time on the house when I first moved in. Then I started my new department at work and found all of my energy go in that direction. Then, I got some added help.

My parents made their first trip to Guam to visit Anna and me for Christmas and New Year's. It's always good to have family, but I was a bit worried that I wouldn't find enough things to do for the two weeks they planned on staying. Being in my first house and needing all the help I could get in home ownership the down time we would have had became occupied with home making chores.

There's a host of things planned for my parents for fun as well. So, rather than list them all here, I'll post them in pieces as they happened.

There's something odd about being the one who is hosting your parents at your house for the first time. It is like crossing an imaginary line. Up till now, when we talk about going home, we mean where we grew up. Now, we have completed the transition and home is where we are right now.

The Imu Turkey Thanksgiving Experiment...

This month has been a whirlwind for me. Pregnant wife, new house (and associated repairs), and new doubled work load. So I have been looking forward to this long 4-day weekend.

Anna and I teamed up with another couple from my office who are also away from their family, Joe and Lilian. Rather than do things the traditional way, we tried to imu the turkey. An imu is a low tech, underground pressure cooker. Imu is Hawaiian, but many islands cook this way calling it slightly different words, like umu. Typically, one associates imus with a big full pig and apple in the mouth. Really, you can cook anything in an imu.

We identified a location for the pit.



Someone had cooked some pigs in this hole six months ago, so it was easier to dig the pit. Anna and I grabbed some logs. There has been some bad rain lately, so this wood was only partly dry. We had some charcoal in the pit and Anna and I were carrying over our wood to the pit. Just then, the very second Joe lit the match to start the pit a burnin', it began to downpour like you wouldn't believe. By the time it was back to a drizzle, the pit was wet, the wood was soaked and we felt a bit timid with progressing.

We hid out by the car off and on during the drizzling moments.



When we finally got the fire going and the rocks as hot as we thought we could we put the turkey in and covered it with banana leaves and dirt.



Four hours later we came back to assess the level of our success.



Drum roll....NOPE. Wasn't done. We did get the turkey to as hot as 140 degrees F, but not quite enough to really cook it. So, with that we did the most American thing we could. We kept with the true Norman Rockwellian spirit of Thanksgiving and went to KFC. I hate to admit it, but it was actually quite tasty.

This could very well be the last year I try an imu turkey. We did finish our turkey in the oven. The imu did have a positive effect, too. That meat fell off the bone. Despite the half-and-half cooking, it was moist and tender.

Ok, so I may not be the big kahuna of island cooking. Still, I try. And we had a great thanksgiving anyway. In the end, the imu was just for fun, as is the any of the food. It's really about who you spend the day with. Being thousands of miles away from our respective families, it was nice to be with each other. I once told Anna the nice thing about our relationship is that wherever we move, as long as we have each other, we are with family. And that is what I'm truly thankful for.

The Price of Homeownership...

After years of saving our pennies we have finally decided we had enough to go for our first home. The housing market has joined the economy and taken a dip. President Hussein has a significant $8k tax credit for first time home buyers. With all of that combined, the time was right.

For a few weeks we've been searching through house listings and walking through house after house. My sister recently got a GREAT deal on a nice big home in Arizona for a rock bottom price. But in Guam, the housing market didn't take quite the same hit. Also, home prices are much higher over all. We were originally looking for a house under $150k. At that price, you'd get a small, one bathroom fixer-upper house. We had to raise our max price to $200k. For that, you get an OK starter home with about 3 bedrooms and two bathrooms.

So, after much consideration we found a home that we liked and were able to get it below the asking price for $180k. The main drawback to this home is location. Our current apartment is a short distance to everything; work, church, shopping, you name it. Our new house is in Yigo, a city at the north end of Guam near Anderson Air force Base. There are a few relatively close shopping centers, but otherwise it's a distance to drive every day.

The house has covered parking for 2 cars, a big plus and very unusual for Guam. Also, the exterior over all is pretty nice.







The inside is ok, but needs some work. This was once a smaller house with 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. The previous owner took out a wall making the old master bedroom a living room and they added on two bedrooms and 1 bath to the back of the house. A good move, but some aspects of the expansion were poorly executed. The window in the old bedroom, kitchen and even the bathroom face the expansion's hallway. And remnants of the removed wall are still there, most notably in the non-matching tile work.

Decent kitchen with window over sink overlooking the water heater in the utility area.

The bathrooms look ok, but the sleek looking pedestal style sink is ultimately less functional as you have nowhere to put your toothbrushes, shaving stuff, etc. I miss counter tops!

Probably my favorite feature of the house. When walking down the hallway, you can look into the bathroom and see what people are doing in there...

Of course, buying a home is not as easy as a car. If you like a 100k car, you can drive off the lot with it and let the paperwork follow. With a home it's an uphill battle to the bitter end.

After shopping around and finding the right bank with the best rate and lowest points (and learning what that meant) we felt the worst was behind. That was the beginning. We had to pay for a new appraisal. The appraisers found remnants of termites. We had to pay for pest control. The appraisers also found some moisture on the ceiling which they thought may have come from cracks in the concrete roof. (It was condensation. Once the A/C as on it was bone dry.) We had to pay for crack repair. And then, we had to pay for a structural engineer to certify the roof. The appraisers also had doubts about the setbacks. They felt some of the house may be too close to the property line. The house wasn't too close, but the last survey and sketch was done before the expansion. Although the expansion followed along the same lines as the existing house, the bank insisted we pay for a new site survey and sketch.

Just as we thought we were done, the appraiser noted last minute that he found a government easement on the front corner of our property. Although it is our land, the easement means the government reserves the right to take back that part at any time (it's a corner home). Our fence and gate cross into that easement. So, we had to have the fence removed, take pictures, have the appraiser finalize the paperwork and then put the fence back. In the meantime, I also was narrowing down the insurance company and jumping through the dozen hoops that bank requires - including the body cavity search.

It took a month from when we started the appraisal till it was signed and completed. If you ever want to know what it feels like literally bleed money, try what I've been doing. I wasn't just bleeding money, I was uncontrollably hemorrhaging cash. I almost wanted to apply a firm turnicate around my neck on more than one occasion. Luckily we had a GREAT Realtor and friend who helped us along the way. He was willing to take a reduction in commission and negotiated for a reduction in cost at closing to help offset the issues we had to pay for.

Just when the issues were ironed out our bank informed us there was a new law saying that we must wait 5 days from the completion of the appraisal until we can close. They waited 13 days.

And of course, during the process of this home purchase we had other challenges. Our apartment lease expired the last day of September. We should have closed and been in the home by then had things gone more smoothly. When it became apparent that we would not be in the home on time, we were fortunate enough to strike a deal with the seller to let us store our stuff in the house prior to closing.

I took off work to clean the apartment and get it ready for the move out inspection. On the 30th of September when I was to have my inspection a tropical storm hit Guam and closed down business. The management canceled my inspection. Their intention was to charge me extra for staying there extra time, even though I was out but they declined to come inspect the property. I struck an agreement that I would get the key back to them before they locked up the office for the storm. So, with much less time than I had budgeted, I had to clean like the bastard love child of Mr. Clean and Martha Stewart on steroids. Other people were boarding up their windows and buying supplies for the storm. I was washing windows and relocation my stuff to the trunk of my car. My neighbors thought I was crazy. I barely finished in time. I had to keep my utilities hooked up and pay for them until the inspection, so I called the landlords every day until they finally inspected my apartment.

Anna and have been living out of our luggage at a friends house for 3 weeks. We also survived a typhoon and tsunami warning while being homeless. (Hence the lack of blogging updates along the way.) But today, we finally have closed the deal. We are officially homeowners. This weekend we will spend our first night in OUR new home.

Me, Anna and our Realtor, Tom Clark on closing. The cobwebs have nothing to do with Halloween. That is a natural effect of the bank moving so slowly.

Even after all that we have gone through, I think it will all be worth it. And as challenging as the experience was, I have a feeling the unpacking will seem even more traumatic.

One of the coolest things about home ownership is the ability to point out a piece of land from space and say that that chunk of earth is yours and yours alone. Of all the people on all the earth, that spot on the planet solely belongs to you. Here is my little piece of the big picture.

Battling Guam's Fierce Brown Tree Snake...

For a place that is nothing more than a dot on the map in the middle of the vast blue oceans of the Pacific, Guam has it's share of fame. A few years back there was an email floating around about a job in Guam where a guy goes from village to village to deflower young women when they reach a certain age. Also, anyone who knows anything about WWII is familiar with Guam's importance in the war.

But one of the best known rumors of Guam is the legend of the snakes. I've read that we have as much as 13,000 snakes per square mile on Guam; which would mean a total of 5.2 million. That's almost 35 snakes for every person. Although you can find them around the island, no one in Guam believes that number to be true. In the three years that I've lived in Guam, I've only seen one of the infamous Brown Tree Snakes. And that was a snake in a cage that some missionaries had as a pet. But after today, Anna and I think it may be a more serious threat than we had surmised.

Behind our chapel we have a large field. Anna is fruit crazy and she is always bugging me to get her some of the bananas that grow wildly there. Since they usually go to waste or are stolen by the neighbors anyway, I've gotten her some from time to time. Anna was pushing me to get them today, so I took a kitchen knife and cut down a tree that was nearly ripe. I found a gecko hiding out in the bunch. I scared him out and loaded the bunch in the back of my car.

We took the bananas home and cleaned them up. The bunch was still green, so I put them in our guest bathroom tub to ripen for a while.

Shortly after it got dark, I went to use the toilet. As I sat down I saw what looked like a skinny rope at the base of the toilet, but it seemed to move just slightly. Seeing as how inanimate objects shouldn't move on their own accord I stood up to verify my fear. Yeah, it was a brown tree snake. These snakes grow to be 3-6 feet long on average and the largest one ever found was here on Guam at 9 feet. This particular one was maybe 18 inches long and pretty small - obviously a juvenile.

I didn't want the snake to get out of sight while I went looking for something to grab it with, so I asked Anna to grab something. Perhaps that was a bad idea. Anna is a bit on the squeamish side. Yesterday she was concerned when she saw a harmless little gecko on our door. So this snake was a bit much for her to handle. The second she saw it she was up on the futon in the guest room convinced the whole apartment was now riddled with snakes, ala Snakes on a Plane.

I was able to convince her to step on the floor again so she could grab me the salad tongs. The only way to do that was explain that either she stay there and watch the snake while I get the tongs or she gets to leave the room and let me deal with it. Once she handed me the tongs I maneuvered carefully and was able to grab the snake close to the head. Although these snakes are not deadly to adults, I still didn't fancy getting bitten. Once we had the thing controlled I realized this would make great blog fodder, so I got the camera out.

The snake in our salad tongs with the vessel of its entry in the background.

These snakes do not belong in Guam. They were accidentally introduces via cargo around the end of WWII. Authorities ask that you don't release these things back into the wild. They want these snakes dead, dead, dead. Quite frankly, so did Anna and I.

I had Anna bring me a cutting knife from the kitchen. I locked the salad tongs and lay the serpent in the sink I then leaned on my sword a little. This little bugger was surprisingly difficult to pierce. It took more work than anticipated, but before long he gave up the ghost.



After he was good and dead we took him to a woodland area directly behind our apartment to send him to his final resting place.





One would think this was the end of it, but no. My poor traumatized wife hasn't been the same since. I have scoured every nook and cranny of this place looking for a second snake that my wife is convinced is lurking around. Every fifteen minutes she asks me to look again. Although she wants me to protect her, my previous proximity to the snake has made me an "untouchable" for the time being. She has been in the fetal position for the last 4 hours now and shows no sign of recovery. There has even been concerns that there may be a deadly rattle snake poised to strike in those now cursed bananas. (No, really, I'm not making that up.) Rationality has taken a back seat in this time of fear. She hasn't been able to stop thinking or talking about the snake.

"Let's move."

We are currently looking for a house in Guam anyway. "Of course, honey, we are looking. We'll be moved in a couple of months."

"I don't mean out of the apartment, I mean out of Guam."

Fun Foods In Guam...

Guam has some fun foods. We have influences from all over Asia, the U.S. and unique local foods.

Anna and I went on a hike recently and on the way spotted some red seeds that the locals use to make red rice. We've had it a number of times, but we had to try to make our own. The local red rice is more than just rice colored red, it has a unique taste. Despite it's looks, it taste nothing like Mexican style rice. Often it has added onions and some pig fat. We chose to mix in some bacon instead. It was really good.

Home made red rice.

One of the local foods I've always liked is breadfruit. It's a fruit that grows in a tree but has a starchy, almost potato-like taste to it. Traditionally it is cooked in coconut milk. But I've also had it as a delicious substitute for french fries.

Breadfruit Fries

I also buy breadfruit chips when I can, but Anna eats them so fast, I couldn't even get a pic of it.

Recently, Anna and I saw some local yellow watermelon for sale. I had to get it just because it was like nothing I've seen before. It tasted very sweet. I think I like it more than the regular old red stuff.

Red and Yellow Watermelon

My last trip to Palau I even got to try a food that is illegal most places. Fresh Sea Turtle. Three months a year in Palau there is a legal Sea Turtle eating season. I couldn't let a trip there during the season go to waste. The serving I had was cooked in coconut milk. But I have to say, it was much better than I would have guessed. Almost like a pork and beef dish.

Sea Turtle cooked in coconut

I recently was given a food from Japan. I don't know what the label calls it, but I call it Cake-in-a-Can.







In case you were wondering, it wasn't as good as real cake. It's like the difference between fresh peaches and caned peaches.

And it goes without saying that you almost always have to wash food in the islands down with a fresh coconut.

Always refreshing; Coke-a-nut drink

My First 5K...

After running around my apartment parking lot for a few months now, I decided it was time to take my exercise to the next level. After a few weeks I started to clock and measure my route. It turned out I was running as much as 8k every other night.
For what ever reason, I felt the next logical step was to join an organized 5k run. I went to a local sport store and grabbed a banner for the next 5k in Guam. It happened to be just about the largest Guam has ever had.

The 5k was sponsored by Pay-Less Supermarkets, which is the largest supermarket chain in Guam. With my $5 entrance fee I got a reusable bag and a sports bottle that would be just about big enough for me to use for sacrament on Sundays.

The worst part about this 5k for me would be the time. I run at night, when it’s cool and I’ve finished dinner and rested a bit. This 5k was to start at 6am, with a show time of 5:30 or sooner. ‘nuff said.

Anna and I got up about 4:45 am and slowly got ready. It was torture. At least I had Anna with me. She refused to run it with me, but she was there for me the whole time.
I was floored when I got to the meeting point. The crowd was massive. If you take a walk around the mall’s food courts in Guam you’ll think there is not one person on island that could do 1k, let alone 5. Where were all these fit people hiding? Well, apparently not in the food courts and fast food joints I frequent.

When time comes to roll I find myself in the back of a very large multitude. I never expected to get first, but being this far back in the pack I knew would lose a good minute or two until the herd thinned out some.

I ran like I never have before. Was I fast? No, but I never stopped. I never slowed down and I never walked a foot.

Also, along the way, I took the liberty of filming the monumentous event. I got many an odd look, but the video preservation of the memory is worth it.

I came in at…well, not first place. But I did get my fastest time ever on a 5K. And I had the satisfaction of saying that I’ve done it.

But don’t just read all about it. I’ve put together a documentary style video of it all. A caution now, it’s a full length video, 22 minutes long, broken into 3 bite size pieces. If you like documentaries, you’ll enjoy this style. If not, I still want you to watch it…

Enjoy.

Part 1


Part 2


Part 3

Please, Wait A Minute Mr. Postman...

The Postman has halted all my mail! And it is pending a federal investigation. Fun times...

The apartment I live in does not have mailboxes. The post offices on Guam are always full of long lines, open till close, and there isn't any that are all that convenient for me to go to. For this reason, I started using a mailbox store that is in the building I work in, PostNet.

Yesterday, a co-worker of mine who also uses this place asked me what I thought of the federal investigation. I had no idea what he was talking about. It turns out that the store is now under federal investigation and any mail sent there will be automatically returned to sender, no questions asked. Bummer.

I'm frankly not surprised. I've had a hunch something unscrupulous was going down for a while. For instance, one time I tried to buy a single $0.42 stamp. He rang me up at $0.64. I was a bit confused. Also, I only had $0.53 on me. I argued with the guy for a few minutes about the legality of selling postal stamps at such an inflated rate as well as the ethical and karmic aspects of it. He wouldn't relent. I told him what he could do with his $0.64 postal stamp and checked my mail as I left. Once he realized I was a paying mailbox customer he caught me leaving and said that since I was a customer he'd go ahead and "discount" my stamp. And he didn't just charge the regular rate, he charged me the $0.53 I had left. I kept the box, but never mailed a packed out from there again.

Now that this federal investigation is under way, you think they'd at least let us know about is as we are checking our mailboxes in futility. Nope. Not a word. I sat there for a while watching customers go in and out empty handed just thinking that there was no mail that day. The ONLY way to find out is to ask them directly, which will incur a short, almost scripted answer or to read a very nonchalant letter posted on the side of the door through the glass.

If I wasn't loosing my mailbox as a result of this, I'd be happy to see this happen to them. But, as I'm now stuck declaring P.O. Bankruptcy, it's less amusing than it ought to be. At least I still have email...