...you have lived in a place for four months and still haven't finished unpacking.
...the first thing you do when you get home is shed your clothes where you stand and walk around the rest of the day in your underwear.
...you spot a dead cockroach on your floor and decide to leave it there so you can see how long it takes the ants to carry it all away.
...all of your friends the same age as you have families, so you have to trade them in for people born after The Simpsons was on TV.
...you have a stereo system that would blow the ticks off a dog's back, a brand new DVD player, CD player and projector, but only have one plate, knife, fork, spoon and two cups in your kitchen...and they are always dirty in the sink.
...you see no reason why an old CD won't make a perfect beer coaster.
...you don't know what a collender is, and even if you did, you wouldn't know why you'd need one.
...you've never gotten to roll your eyes and say, "Yes, Dear..."
...rather than fantasize about women, you fantasize about home cooked meals.
...you use tuna cans to replace legs on broken furniture.
...the tuna can couch leg breaks open and leaks and you still use it.
...you consider getting a cat.
...you count using shampoo and splashing the sides as "cleaning your shower."
...people younger than you are trying to set you up with dates.
...it's time to change you bedsheets when you start waking up with bites on your legs.
...you don't think twice about going to the movie theaters alone.
...all of your groceries need to be in the freezer and your refrigerator only has soda pop cans in it.
...you say, "Bros before hos" and actually start to believe it.
...rather than clean your toilet bowl, you just aim your pee at the dirty looking spots.
...you have three laundry piles: one for whites, one for colors, and one for clothes you think you could get away with wearing again, and again, and again, until they don't pass your "smell" test.
...cutting your hair you have to guess on the back of the head because you don't have a small mirror and there is no woman with a compact to lend you one.
...you'd rather be golfing.
...taking stinky trash out feels like too much work, so you just move it to a further away room.
...you would rather have your apartment burn to the ground than have a someone dent your new car.
...you wonder if your biological clock is ticking...or it's digital.
...most people close to or the same age as you can't think of anything to talk to you about since you don't have a family.
...going to a party is something you try to avoid since you know you'll be there alone or you would have to make yourself the third wheel to some couple.
...you are used to being that third wheel.
...you start to forget what it is like to kiss someone.
...you sit at home alone on a Saturday night to blog about being a pathetic bachelor.
Yeah, I think it's official. I have been a bachelor for WAY too long.
4 comments:
GRIN! :) I almost cried laughing- not sure if it was because it was too funny, or too true!
Jared, you always know how to make people laugh. The sad thing is that a lot of the same things apply to being a bachelorette....except perhaps leaving the dead cockroach on the floor. That's a little over the top. =) Remember when we used to be pretend-engaged? Ah, those were the days...
Most of that won't change when you get married. For example:
...Three years in this house and the spare room still has unpacked boxes.
...Too often I pick up those shed clothes when the Husband drops them on the floor. (And I might complain about it, but at least the view is nice :D)
...Heck, if I didn't have a toddler who might eat it, I'd ignore the roach too.
...You stop having friends when you have children, because your offspring are so disgusting and embarrassing that you cannot go anywhere without dying of shame when they chew the furniture and vomit all over the fancy tablecloth.
...I fantasise about someone else cooking my meals. Is that close enough?
...Laundry + pregnancy = ditto
...Kissing? Don't get me started. The Husband signed up for Movember this year. There's no kissing going on until he shaves that hideous thing off. Everytime he comes near me I get his whiskers up my nose. Ah, romance, where did you go?
Celebrate being single! And if that's too depressing, I can pass along the emails of some nice Aussie LDS girls :D
Rosie! That is one of the funniest comments I have had on my blog ever!
When I get married, I am totally doing a list like that!
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