Sunday, February 27, 2005

You Can Do That In Hawaii...?

Yes, you can ice skate in Hawaii...and I did!

No deep thoughts or meaningful insight, just good ole pics of old fashioned fun.

The Ice Palace was sure glad to see us...well...our money anyway.

Beth and I

Jamie and Beth

Poor Peni. Apparently they don't ice skate much in Tonga...

Graceful as a...a...a thing that is graceful.

Beth and I had a bet to see who would fall first. I think this picture settles that debate.

I was worried that after falling on the ice it might look like I wet myself from the behind...

There you have a worry free just look and "ooh and aww" post. Don't worry, I've got something cooking in the oven as we speak...well...type...well, I'm typing, your get the idea.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

It Might Be Funnier If It Wasn't True...

I find most of the anti smoking ads as anyoying as someone blowing cigarete smoke in my face directly. This new line of ads "Fair Enough" are clever and quite funny. I suggest that you check them out.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Plato, Socrates, Eat Your Hearts Out...

In life man always strives to understand deep meanings and to comprehend the great mysteries of life. Once in a while, I make startling discoveries that are so profound that I have to pinch myself just to make sure that I have not transcended to another plain.

While sitting in Biology gaining a more complex knowledge of DNA and inheritance of genes, I made a comment so worthy of notice that a silent hush fell over the minds of all that heard it.
"Look, why do we go to bed? Because our body is tired of being awake. So I propose that we only wake up when our bodies are tired of sleep."

What an astonishing realization to come upon! No wonder why I am always tired! I have been doing it wrong. My whole philosophy on sleep was out of whack! Unfortunately, due to the requirements of my previous commitments with work and school I will be unable to live up to my credo of sleep. Nonetheless, I can hope to perpetuate this strange and new enlightenment to others.

Fellow brothers and sisters, don't hit that snooze button any more! I say, Nay! Toss those alarm clocks out for good! If you are tired, go to bed. If you are done sleeping, wake up. It's something that sounds so simple yet is so hard to follow in our modern rushing whirlwind we call life.

I shall start on this quest by and by as my schedule permits. I am inclined to start this tomorrow as church starts at 8AM. I suppose for the time being I must be a hypocrite and ask that others simply do as I say and not as I do. But rest assured that come this summer you will find me prostrate on my back for a good 12 hours a day or more. That is a promise I intend to keep.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Escape From BYU-Hawaii...

Snake Plissken: “Got a smoke?”
Malloy: “[BYU-Hawaii] is a non-smoking nation! No smoking, no drugs, no alcohol, no women - unless you're married - no foul language, no red meat!”
Snake Plissken: “Land of the free.”
- Escape from L.A. (1996)

It’s only midterms, but my mind is already harrowed up the time when next semester is underway. I will be glad next year when I am no longer working 2 jobs. I will miss the money, but I need the break. Not only will I not be an RA next year, I don’t think I will even live on this campus. This comes after much trial and deliberation. Believe you me, I have my reasons.

First off, I am just getting WAY too old to be an on-campus duffus. At 25 and after being an RA for 2 years, I am starting to feel like I should be an actual dad, not just proxy for those darn premies™. Also, I have access to wheels now, so I can live out in Hau’ula or somewhere else and commute. More than anything, I’m tired of the hales. I’m tired of the white gloves, I’m tired of bed checks, I’m tired of “quiet hours”, and I’m tired of the constant control. But, regardless of all of these things there is one final decision that pushed me over the edge - A combination of money and the much applauded caf.

For some reason, the wonderful people at the much applauded caf feel that their tight grip of a monopoly wasn’t enough and so they are devising a plot to make a large disc that will cover all of Laie during the day, making us dependant on them as a source of electricity…wait, that was Mr. Burns. I have a hard time distinguishing the diabolical plots of the two. No, this time the evil ploy is to milk what pennies we humble students have left. The 15 meal plan is going up in price from $1300 to about $2100. (I did not do my homework on this yet, so my numbers are based on hearsay, not actual proof). I don’t think there is much they could do to make the extra $800 a semester worth it! If they start having waiters bring me the food, then we’ll talk. So, JD and I have decided we want to move out together and buy our own food at Costco and have girls over to watch movies and stay out after curfew and have a hot-plate or rice cooker or just about anything else that they keep you from doing on campus. Come 6 months from now, you’ll see a whole new Jared.

I figure that if I live off campus then I had better start to look the part. So, I will let my hair grow out and look like a 1975 druggie reject extra from “Saturday Night Fever”. I will grow “chops”, not just ordinary side-burns. I will also make sure I only shave once a week; and not on Sunday. I will shave on Monday so the testing center will let me in. Sunday is the day I will look the grubbiest. I will come to church in cut-off corduroys and slippers. I won’t own a single white shirt and even if I did, it still wouldn’t have a tie at the top of it. Ah, I can feel it now.

So, after all this time on our amusing campus and after countless meals in our much applauded caf, the time draweth nigh that I must bid adieu to the oppressing thumb that is our campus housing system. The time has come to shake of the shackles of our oppressors! Cast off the cast iron chokers that bind us! Rebel and live life as it was meant to be. The future is now! I have a dream! One small step for man! One giant leap for mankind! You want the truth?! You can’t handle the truth! I am not a crook! Don’t look behind the curtain! What-chew-talkin-bout-Willis?! You like me! You really like me! Tora! Tora! Tora! Open the pod bay doors, Hal! P-O-T-A-T-O-E! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! One Fish! Two Fish! Red Fish! Blue Fish! Danger Will Robinson! D’oh! Live long and prosper! Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful! This is the last aln lka ndfknl;k jk; w2iw h;o adhf kalhtdc tiasdqoihen @#$%#%^ TR%Q #$...

[*Clears Throat, smoothes back hair.*]

…I think my mind is drifting too far off course. Anyway, point is, next year I’ll be off campus.

(And as an interesting note, Microsoft Word’s spell check actually helped me correctly spell “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”.)

Malloy: “This is your last chance, hotshot.”
Snake Plissken: “For what?”
Malloy: “Freedom.”
Snake Plissken: “In [BYU-Hawaii]? That died a long time ago.”
- Escape from L.A. (1996)

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Mr. 5000...

If you will kindly turn your attention to the right and toward the bottom of the colum, you will notice that over this weekend "Lost In Laie" has suprassed over 5000 hits in much less than a year! This is all becuase of YOU, the reader. Thanks!

In celebration of this, the comments have changed. If you noticed, all of the old comments are gone. If you had a good one, sorry, but it's time to move on. After 4 months, all of the comments got lost on my old system, although it did well for me.

In addition the Google search engine has be changed to Silver. I was debating over whether or not to make a whole new template as well. Let's welcome a new age. What do you say? So, cast your votes now.

Should "Lost In Laie" undergow a new face lift?

Sunday, February 06, 2005

The Incredeble, Edible Jared...

Many people thought my last post was a bit of a "woe is me" party. The truth is that I thought that it would be amusing. I don't think that the kind of things I have are that different than others. Most people have a number of things wrong with them, they just don't see it that way. However, to put to rest the theory that Jared is just going for sympathy, I will post a blog that is something close to the exact opposite. This post will be nothing more than just what is so great about me. I will appologize in advance to anyone who thinks this makes me sound egotistical or full of myself. You may agree with me on some of these and I am sure many will say, "Uh, well, if you say so Jared..." Ready or not, here come the many great attributes of the one and only Jared Bodine (unless you do a google search and find the other 4 or 5 Jared Bodines that I have).

  • Humor

    - This goes to the top of the list. I am with out a doubt the funniest guy on earth. If you don't believe me, just ask me again.

  • Humility

    - 'Nuff said.

  • Eyes

    - I have been told that I some beautiful blue eyes. I have to agree with it. Ever since I had lazik surgery, I have at least 20/20 or better.

  • Discernment

    - Many people might think that I just don't understand them. I honestly do percieve what people are feeling frequently. I try not to be transparent in my responce, but you'd be suprised.

  • Social Compentance

    - Let's face it, I know how to act in a social situation. I may prefer some situations than others, but I can handel it.

  • Technical Skills

    - Ask any one of my friends. I am the guy many go to when it comes to computer or tv/stereo questions. I seem to have a natural knack for it. I don't know how or why.

  • Quick Learner

    - When I started in radio, I had absolutly NO idea what I was doing. Every time I took a promotion, I had no idea what I was doing. Every time I took a new job, I had no idea what I was doing. Why did I survive so well? I noticed that if I was shown one thing one time, I had it. I could do it from there on.

  • Good Writer

    - If you are reading know I've done better. But I still am quite good.

  • Hands/Feet

    - Not the most admriable feature, but hey, I've seen some nasty hands and feet in my day. I have ones that might be good enough for maganzies and whatnot.

  • Public Speaking

    - Have you ever heard me speak in church or give talks? I do it well. And I enjoy it as well. Every time I speak in a public setting I can tell the girls get that much more interested.

  • Imitated Confidence

    - Admittedly, I often lack self confidence. I feel like I am fake and hope no one will discover me. At the same time, people can't often perceive that and as I develop, I gain confidence to replace that which I only pretended to have before.

  • Teacher

    - For over a year now I have been a tutor for computer classes. I do believe that I am pretty good at it. I have been given a pretty loose leash and have done very well with the computer hardware class and really feel like I am making a difference.

  • Likeable

    - I know that many people don't care for me much. But one thing that I have noticed in my life is that most everybody does like me. Even those that may not be my best fans are still not enemies. I don't have any.

There you have a semi-reasonalbe list of attributes. I don't think a baker's dozen is too much for any one person. Anyone is welcome to list others about me that they have noticed. Stroke me! If you want to counter any that I claimed to have, feel free to have at it. Perhaps you could make a list for yourself as well.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Drowning In The Gene Pool...

I was home for Christmas and will be going back there again soon (not soon enough) for summer. Coming and going from my family has been interesting and educational. Mostly, it's lead to some sad realizations as I was able to compare them with normal people.

I have likely mentioned on more than one blog that due to hereditary I was doomed to wonder the globe single all of my days. I didn't make any mention of any of my other fun hereditary traits that have and will continue to doom me. After that self analytical experience, my mind was turned toward my physical birth defects. If you take my parents, and divide up all of their genes and then take the least desirable mix of each, you have me.

You see, I am what you call the "left-overs". When I show girls a picture of my brother Kris they think I must have been adopted and ask me if he is single (yes, by the way). He got the cream of the crop. Then came my three sisters. Then me - the parts of the gene pool no one wanted. I feel like I’m made up of those banana-flavored Runts that people only eat because there are so many of them in a bag and we don’t like to waste. Everyone really wants the heart shaped strawberry that you only see once if lucky in each bag.

Let's start from the top down:
  • Hair

    - I have red hair. It has faded to brown over the years, but if you look back at the many pictures of me, you can see the bright locks. I also have the oddest paradox of both an oily scalp and dandruff. That comes from my dad.

  • Eyes

    - I have beautiful blue eyes. Just look at that pic of me at the top of my blog page. They are, however, faulty. That beautiful blue hue is akin to putting makeup on a pig. I am extremely myopic. When at the doctor's chart I have to walk forward just to see the big 'ole "E". This gem from my mother's side cost me a grand and a half and a laser in each eye to fix. At least that one is behind me now.

  • Nose

    - It's known world wide as "The Bodine Nose". It has cursed the children of the line since Jebediah Bodine crossed the Atlantic on the Juneflower (our family is always a bit behind). Nothing to be done about that. The worst feature of the nose is that all nose hair is easily accessible to the human eye. Seeing as how there are so many Asians on campus, they get a clean view from down there all the way up to my brain. On days where I have a cold I need to wear ear plugs in my nostrils. On the bright side, I can hang a spoon on my nose with ease; as well as most house hold utensils.

  • Lips

    - If you were to see me as I type this, you would see a red spot on one side of my lower lip. Thanks to my mother, I have oral herpes. No, I don't have an Oedipus complex; it's just hereditary cold sores. At least once a year I go through it and it stays forever as I crack it open every time I smile or laugh. If you know me you know how often that is.

  • Mouth

    - Next time I yawn, take a gander inside. You will notice two vacancies. When I was about 8 or so my baby teeth should have just about all fallen out when we noticed that some were just going nowhere. This, we came to find, was a trait my mother possessed in which some permanent teeth never develop. I don’t know exactly which ones they are, but some of my lower teeth are still babies and some of those died with no successor. Had I known about this, I might have brushed my teeth as a kid. I think that somehow my mom planned this so she could escape the nominal fee kids charge the tooth fairy. I say she owes me back payments for life.

  • Chest and Back (and on down)

    - This one has only shown up post puberty. Due to genetics I was a late bloomer. Thus being the shorn one in the 7th grade locker room. Now that I am older and girls want a smooth man, I have a Persian rug hanging from my shoulders. Thanks mean dad.

  • Lastly:
  • Skin

    - Eczema is a mild nuisance. Psoriasis however is just down right menacing. This is a paternal gift that I will treasure for life seeing as how it is incurable.

    But wait, there's more! I also have freckles. And to boot, I have a high susceptibility to skin cancer. It makes me glad to know my mother chose to raise me in Arizona, the cancer development center of the world. I wore a t-shirt every time I swam from conception to graduation. Once I rebelled because I hated the feeling of dragging in the water. After two hours I went home and had blisters on my shoulders that were big enough to be used as bean bag chairs. When I laid down that night and rested my head on my pillow it popped to reveal itself as an extra large one, drenching my actual pillow enroute. A bit graphic, perhaps, but you can feel my pain.

At this point any girl that was even remotely interested in me is trying to imagine what kind of kids I would produce or they have and are already trying to block relapses of such visions. That's fair. I think my only hope is to marry that chick from "The Fifth Element". She made red hair look hot. She was also genetically perfect and would more than make up for my many biological shortcomings. She was also a quick learner so learning English, helping the kids with homework, and picking up new recepies to try out for dinner would be a synch.

On second thought, she is a pretty short person and would be able so see right up my double barrel nose gun on even the cloudiest of days. Hmmm...rats...Cancel the wedding.

Anyone like bananas?

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

I.O.U. 1 blog...

I have said it before and I will say it again. "Going to school here would be great if it weren't for all of those pesky classes that get in the way!"

As a result I have not had much time to work on my blog. I was bored in class today and read Miss Mellie's blog. I was very entertained. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to have computer classes where you have your own internet ready computer at your fingertips. I don't know what the teacher said (should I?), but I did get a lot from Mellie. At the end of a recent post she mentioned how her regulars don't post frequently enough for her. Being recently added to her list of "Noteworthy Blogs" I feel obligated to make a good post now and again.

This isn't fair to those of you who have been loyal fans for years. Well, I've got you already. You're hooked. I can treat you as bad as I want. Mellie is a new customer, so untill a new one comes in behind her, she is my new favorite customer.

I am still sitting in class, hoping that my teacher does not ask me a question and trying to type lightly so as not to be too distracting or...what's the opposite of nonchalant?...chalant.

Until the time that I can make a real post, Chaio!