Ethnocentrism...

"Ethnocentrism: characterized by or based on the attitude that one's own group is superior."
- Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

I have a great shirt. In fact, it's my favorite shirt. It is the only shirt I have ever owned that I have named. It's called "The Red Barron". This picture will help explain the name:

The Red Barron

I have been accused on well more than one occasion of wearing a shirt with the ever popular Nazi Swastika all day. This happens every time I wear this. Does no one know the difference!?

What's more, I get accused of being a white supremacist occasional as well. Just the other day I was listening to my favorite German disco group, Dshcingis Khan. A friend of mine walked in and almost had a heart attack. "Oh my gosh! You are a white guy listening to German music? Do you know how scary that is?"

I didn't.

She then began to go off on how I shouldn't listen to that becuase it looks bad. It was ok, however, to have her or a member of her race listen. This girl is from Sri Lanka, so I guess "white folk" are still an enigma to her. I was trying to defend myself and Germans when she explained to me that one can't be racist to a white person, "they started it!" I was just about to tie her to a cross and light it on fire when I thought that might just prove her point. She thinks I am some sort of Hitler sympathizer because I wear The Red Barron and like a few German songs. It didn't help when I told her about my recent trip to the Fatherland, Germany.

Ahh, Fatherland Germany!

The ironic dichotomy is that I am just as frequently accused of having Asian Fever. If I was some white supremacist, why would I date Asians? These people need to check their facts. Ok, sure the Nazis did team up with Japan for a time, but they didn't date.

I seem to have everybody's ethnocentrism in my face. I know, however, that I am completely free of that...unlike those stinkin' Krauts and Chinks...

Just As Bad...

It's official, I have really got to sharpen my skills. By that I mean in relation to the opposite sex.

Today I was hanging out in my chapel's foyer talking with a girl in my ward. I decided a long time ago that I needed to get myself out more and date. I have been thinking of girls I would like to ask out. This girl I was talking to was one of the girls that I thought would be fun to ask out but I never got around to asking yet.

While in our conversation she mentioned that she only gets asked about once a month or so. This sounded like as good as a time as any to ask. I asked her what she was doing this Saturday. At first she thought I might have just been saying it as a joke. Then she thought I was just doing it as if I felt obligated to due to our subject of discussion. I tried to let her know that I was asking also because I wanted to, not because I felt she needed it.

"Oh, you're not just asking me because I said I don't get asked out much?"

"Oh, no, I need this just as bad as you do...er..."

By then it was too late. I had just turned an honest attempt at a fun date into an awkward silence. JD was there and he tried to bail me out.

"Well, Jared has been off his game for a while. You have to excuse him."

He's not wrong!

I think I should ask more girls out just to get into my goove. Or, maybe I should take some classes. All I know is that when I ask girls out, regardless of my intention, the sad truth is that I don't need it just as bad as them...I need it MUCH more.

Appearances...

I have a copy of the quality book of Spencer W. Kimball "The Miracle Of Forgiveness". Have you ever read it? It's a great book. It's full of good stuff. Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to previously committed some serious sin to get a lot out of it.

The only shame of it is that no one (except for missionaries and bishops) will read it in a place where others can see you. It is no small secret that bishops prescribe this book in question to offending sinners in route of redemption. Thus, this book has been given a bad rap. In a Mormon climate, reading this book is ironically the appearance of evil. Therefore, many refuse to read it in an attempt to follow the admonition of Harold B. Lee to James E. Faust:

"The best counsel I ever received about staying away from the edge came when, as a young married man, President Harold B. Lee called me to be a member of a bishopric. He said, 'From now on, you must not only avoid evil, but also the appearance of evil.'"
- James E. Faust, "Acting for Ourselves and Not Being Acted Upon," Ensign, Nov. 1995, 45

I hope that if you are reading this you might get over your preconceived notions about the book. Even if you are not currently a sinner that shall be thrust down to hell you might want to check it out. I promise that I won't accuse you of some sort of sexual perversion...well...at least to your face.

The Miracle Of Forgiveness

Uh...Thanks...?

Today I got an odd gift in the mail. It was from my friend Jessica Monson who is now on a mission in Texas. You would never guess what she sent me.

A coconut.

Ya, I'm thinking it too. Why would she send a coconut from Texas to Hawaii? That's like me sending a rattle snake from Hawaii to Texas. I don't get it. Now I just need to crack it open. I might as well enjoy it. Where can I get a rock to hit it with?

When I Grow Up...

Father: "So, John, what do you want to do when you grow up?"
John: "I don't want to grow up; I want to be a Toys R Us kid."
- John Kerley to a date's father before they left for the evening.

At my age when someone asks you what you want to be when you grow up, they are basically talking down to you as a child with hopes and dreams, but no intent or purpose.

If you know me, you most likely say that I am immature. I can neither confirm nor deny that. But I can tell you what the official stance of Brigham Young University Hawaii General Consensus Department's™ stance on that is.

When I first came here as a young single lad I was full of hope and inspiring awe. Now it has been a full two years since I first stepped into the academic environment here and realized that the "H" in BYU-H actually stood for "High" as in High School. As far as I can tell, only one thing has changed in me from then to now. I am no longer young. For some reason I am really starting to feel my age. I see most of my actual peers moving on, getting married or worrying about their kids. They are adults. I may be the same age, but for some reason, am still just a kid.

I guess what really spurs this on is something that happened to me the other day. I went into an office here on campus. We make the mistake of hiring students for everything here on campus and have poor levels of service here as a result. This department is no exception. I had to see a department head about something. I made an appointment and was waiting to see him. When he comes out the secretary that knew I was waiting for the department head gestures toward me and says, "Oh, we have a kid here to see you..."

Not only did I not like what she said, she also said it in the "this is grow-up talk, pretend to not hear us" tone. This minimum wage employee was likely the same age as me; perhaps a couple of years older - tops. How is it so apparent that I am a "kid"? What is the real distinguisher here, anyway?

Then, the next day I went to my beloved* RA class. In this class our teacher wanted us to show the rest of our class what fun games we learned from other cultures. I had a look on my face that was quite obvious. I was trying to keep a smile but due to my mood, they must have thought I was like a creature in the wild just bearing my teeth in hopes to keep them at bay. I was not asked to participate.

Select few were called up to the front. They were paired guy/girl. Then they had to stand on a single sheet of newspaper and dance on it. After about :30 to :60 seconds they would stop the music and fold the paper in half and do it again. Once a pair was no longer capable of dancing on the paper they would be out. Cute? Ya, I played it a few times in FHE. Great. But at that moment I had a revelation. The reason I want to get married so bad has nothing to do with getting married. It's so I don't have to participate in stupid things like that anymore.

This is what the Brigham Young University Hawaii General Consensus Department's™ stance is on being an adult: If you are married, you are an adult. If not, you are a kid. That's it.

Had I been an adult, they would not make me sign out to make a midnight run to Chevron. If I had been an adult, they wouldn't have sent me to the Honor Code office and a tribunal council because I dressed up for April Fools. If I had been an adult they wouldn't make me eat three square meals in the Much Applauded Caf™ as part of my rent. If I were an adult President Shumway would have listened to me when I was there to support a proposal of a campus radio station and not shrug it off as mere childish fantasy. If I were an adult they wouldn't refer to me as "kid" when I am there on business. And if I were and adult they wouldn't make my class play a "dance-on-a-newspaper-with-some-girl-they-pair-you-with" game. The little gold or silver band on your finger distinguishes maturity not matrimony on this campus.

Being a kid can be fun. It has it's advantages. But I am tired of being talked down to. I am tired of having my opinions disregarded because I am just a kid. I am tired of having my teachers and married peers talk around me in exclusive "big-boy" tones. They sure seem to think of my wallet as a grown-up’s wallet. Why not me?

So, when people ask me what I want to do when I grow up won't tell them the cute little answers they expect from us lesser beings. No, not the fireman, policeman, superhero or even the lesser sought after childhood dream of fiscal clerk. I will tell them the truth. "I want to be a married adult that has your respect."

Truly, that is all I want to be.

I'm just a kid
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world

I'm just a kid
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is having more fun than me tonight
I'm all alone tonight
Nobody cares tonight
Cuz I'm just a kid tonight

- I'm Just A Kid by Simple Plan

* = Less than beloved...

American Woman...Revisited...

I posted my blog about American Woman before I went to bed one night. In about 12 hours I had over 10 comments. Now, after a weekend, 35. It appears to me that I have ruffled some feathers. Now it is time to make some thoughts regarding your thoughts on my thoughts... get all that?

• Trouble Maker
  “Look from out side, your view is quite Mormon”
  
  Admittedly so. But I think it also reflects the feelings of many men outside the church as well. Ever see “The Stepford Wives”? (Not that I want that.)
  
  To Faye: “But I think we have what you dont think we have : ASIAN PERSONALITY”
  
  Way to stick it to her, Anna!
  
  “Jared, I am really jealous with you when you have a sister like Ladawn.”
  
  Too right. Not only her but all three of my sisters. I don’t know if they emotionally scarred me as bad as they claim, but they are great to me…now…
  


• Ladawn
  “...the women in his family are way too outspoken and libertated to ever tolerate that.
  But I also know that Jared is anything but chauvinistic.”
  
  I swear she isn’t a plant...
  
  About Asians“ Their strenth, while pehaps more quiet, is no less powerful.”
  
  Exactly what I’m sayin’.
  
  
  “ So he's not a pig...he is a great guy who does have a deep respect for women, nor is he racist.”
  
  No, really, I didn’t pay her or nothing’.
  


• Singapore Girl
  “What attracts the Asian women to the Western/Caucasian/American guys? Perhaps they are less Chauvinistic, and have more respect for the individual, thus are more sensitive to the women’s need[s].”
  
  And yet we are trampled on by our women still.
  
  “We perhaps have the American women to thank. For it was they who spoke up for the rest of us. They are one step ahead of us.”
  
  They did break some ground that is good to have been trodden on. Thanks for your comments.
  


• Anonymous 1
  “Jared i think you are fated to be a bachelor for the rest of your life. Unless you get a mail order bride. We may be hairy and fat, but have you taken a look at yourself in the mirror lately.”
  
  Bitter: party of 1, your table is ready!
  
  Could somebody get “Reading Comprehension for Dummies” to this girl, stat!
  
  Look, my whole point is that it’s NOT about the body. I don’t think American girls are ugly, fat or hairy, but that it is a fact that they are physically different than Asian girls. Some of those features might be more attractive to men, but that’s not why you see the white to Asian trend.
  
  I think you might be confessing to a low self esteem...or wait, you confessed to nothing, you don’t have the guts to admit who you are even. By the crass form of response you didn’t even have to let on that you were an American female, you made that clear and only served to better prove my point. Thanks.
  
  And now to address your personal attacks: Yes, I probably have more of both hair and fat than you. Since when was this about what’s wrong with American men? That could be a whole blog by itself.
  


• Lacey
  “Hey, lay off the hair.”
  
  That comment of mine was just for fun.
  
  “... if we get an education and prepare for our futures…we are seen as too agressive.”
  
  I don’t think so. I never said I wanted women to be uneducated. I think intelligence is attractive. The glory of God is intelligence. It’s the arrogance that might accompany it that turns us off. As King Benjamin warns us, the learned taketh themselves to be wise and esteem themselves. That’s what I (and I boldly speak for other men) don’t like.
  
  “PS. I think American women still have way more on manners than American men.”
  
  Perhaps, but again, another post for another day.
  
  
  “WOW, ton of comments since my last one. Rush Limbaugh once said that above all he was an entertainer. He was paid to be controversial and thereby entertain. Jared is an entertainer...and he does a good job.”
  
  It took some time, but yeah, you got it.
  


• JD
  “Femininity is important regardless of culture or nationality. The fact is women are given strenghts that men dont have. I appreciate a woman that develops these devine attributes.”
  
  Nothing but Amen to add to that.
  


• Mamma Jolley
  “I did martial arts too JD, does that mean that I am no longer feminine? ... Just because I can kick your butt doesn't mean that I will.”
  
  2 things wrong there: 1) you and Anonymous 1 should start up a book club, you could miss the points of all great authors the world wide and 2) neither would you nor could you kick JD’s butt.
  
  “He told me that my eyes stuck out from my head once.”
  
  Get over it! Man, you have issues. Did you know that we have FREE counseling for people like you on campus? You might want to check it out. Oh, and your American-woman response made any loss of physical attraction more than reciprocal.
  
  “I am not angry.”
  
  ...and I am the Easter Bunny... (fat and hairy, right?)
  



• Car Car
  ... this group can never disscuss anything. it all ways turns in to someone trying to change the mind of the other. “
  
  Too true, oh, and I wrote down in my journal that you actually defended me for once...
  


• Anonymous 2
  “the wicked taketh the truth to be hard.”
  
  Hehe, couldn’t have said it better.
  


• Allison
  “I think I'll wait for Jared to comment back to some of these comments before I give my two cents.”
  Reserving judgment...that’s a fresh approach. Thanks.
  


• Shaleen
  “...although American women may come off a certain way, it is best to not generalize but to get to know someone more personally before jumping to conclusions or deciding that they aren't the one.”
  
  Yes, well, again, I don’t think this is a hard rule, just observations. Many men might not admit to this, but when we think of the “American girl” attitude, this is what we think. Whether you want to pin this stereotype to me or not does not change what us American men feel.
  



• Faye
  I hate to say this Faye, but of all the comments, yours disappointed me the most. I know that you like to defend the underdog, regardless of your personal opinion. Amazingly you failed to see that I am the underdog by coming out with this. And you normally have such great arguments. This time you don’t seem to have any legs to stand on. What’s more, I think you missed the boat. You didn’t totally lose my point, but you could be Anonymous 1’s and Mamma Jolley’s Club Treasurer.
  
  “And he uses lack of tact for humor.”
  
  Better than a lack of maturity for blog fodder...
  (Ok, a bit below the belt, but I’m just using a lack of tact for humor...)
  
  “There are character flaws that don't translate from culture to culture.”
  
  I’ve dated some Asian girls. I found the flaws just fine. You might know about that. (And to be fair, they saw mine.)
  
  “So, yeah. I really don't think the Asians are getting more action than the white women.”
  
  Not that much more if any at all. But the white girls are complaining. I only offer explanations.
  
  “So, if I'm trying to prove to all men that I can be independant, am I still Asian?”
  
  Ok, maybe you could be the club secretary.
  
  To Arnuld”I really don't see where the media promotes tomboy-ness. It promotes quite the opposite, in fact.”
  
  I’d like to know what channel still shows reruns of Dick Van Dyke, because we MUST be watching different stations!
  
  “Are my brothers going to be intimated by Asian women?”
  
  Don’t take this wrong, but I’ve heard your mom yell. The answer is a resounding “yes”.
  


• Sumdum Guy
  “The women that take offense to those statements need to relax and not be so touchy on the subject. If they are belly aching because they can’t get a date, then perhaps they should stop looking for outside excuses that they have no control over and do something productive. Me thinkest they protesteth too much…”
  
  Nice.
  



• Mandi
  “ American men on campus seem to be tucking their tails between their legs.”
  
  Between our legs? Not around the Asian women. Why do you say that? You see them do that when you come near? (Not that I have a problem with you.)
  
  “Go back to complaining about not being able to find American women attractive because of their independence”
  
  I think my comments on independence were taken too far. Educated, able to take care of herself? Yes. Prideful and wanting to do it on their own without men due to chips on shoulders or things to prove? No. Get it?
  



• Arnuld!
  “since this is only my second semester here I can safely say that I haven't fallen prey to your supposed state of "Asian Persuasion" (that everyone accuses you of)”
  
  And I’m glad you brought this up. This post is not to say that I am after Asian girls. I DO like plenty of American girls. Heck, I still think I’m most likely end up with one. I’d be more than happy to. As long as there is some chemistry and we both are good standing church members we can make it work. What I’m looking for is a girl I’m compatible with. Race is tertiary at best on my list of necessities.
  
  To Faye”So on the contrary as I have proven Faye, the American Media DOES in fact train our young women to become tough and rough just like men are.”
  
  While I still agree with you on American Media, I don’t think two examples are proof. Good examples however.
  


• Krill
  “One I say way to go to jared for having an opinion and acutally sharing it. To often people in this world dont share what they think.”
  
  Ah, stroke me! And, yes, I didn’t just do this for shock effect.
  
  “...i want a wife that has a degree and knows how to take care of her self. however i dont want her to through it in my face. hang it over my head. etc....”
  
  Me too.
  



• Beth
  “Well put kirill.....
  hot topic blog Jared, fun to read and think about.
  Hope all are having a good weekend.”
  
  Hm. Well, I do think that I was expecting a bit more. Shock, anger, denial, acceptance. Something.
  Surprising.
  



• Wendy
  “He grew up with very stong headed women, me being one of them. He is just talking from experience. I think the "typical" American women scares him to death.”
  
  I am way nervous to approach a girl. I don’t know if this means I’m scared of death of them specifically. I do have a past with and a fear of rejection. I have told this sister, Wendy, and my mom that I don’t want them to even meet my future fiancé until after our honeymoon. Otherwise, they will have her burning her bra so fast I would never have the satisfaction of seeing her in one.
  

Well, this has turned into a post just about as long as the last. As my closing thoughts, let me say this: I do not hate American Women. Over all, I still like them. If I didn’t I wouldn’t want to date one, would I? For the record, I don’t have “Asian Fever” but I like them just the same. I like to think of myself as an equal opportunity dater...when they will date me, that is.

Given the status of my public image now, I may not be getting any girl to date me for some time. Any girls out there not too picky about dating a hairy American with a big mouth?

American Woman...

"American woman, stay away from me
American woman, mama let me be
Don’t come hangin’ around my door
I don’t wanna see your face no more
I got more important things to do
Than spend my time growin’ old with you
Now woman, I said stay away,
American woman, listen what I say.

American woman, get away from me
American woman, mama let me be
Don’t come knockin’ around my door
Don’t wanna see your shadow no more
Coloured lights can hypnotize
Sparkle someone else’s eyes
Now woman, I said get away
American woman, listen what I say."
- American Woman by The Guess Who

I heard an interesting thing from my friend at lunch today. She said, "I can't get a boyfriend on this campus because I am not Asian."

She didn't say it in an upset or angry way. She was merely reporting it an a very matter-of-fact way. She herself is what we call here a "ha'ole" or, to the rest of the world, Anglo-Saxon or white. She has also, apparently, seen many guys date Asian girls. I can't say she is wrong.

On this campus most everybody will date an Asian. The way it works here is one Asian will date another. A ha'ole will date another as well. A ha'ole guy will date an Asian girl. It is rarely seen the other way around. Polys either date each other or the Poly guy will date a ha'ole girl. Again it is rare for it to be the other way around - meaning a Poly girl and ha'ole guy.

I am no exception to this rule as I have only dated Asians on this campus. I know this makes me sound like one with "Asian Fever" but there is more to it. My best friend, JD, has also been labeled with it as well. I am still not convinced that he does not have it, but even if he does, I can understand why and don't condemn him.

I have been interested in ha'ole girls. Most of them never give me the satisfaction of being in their presence long enough to get so nervous that I almost loose my lunch when I decide to ask them out (as I usually do). Often, when I do get to be there, I find little sustenance there and I soon do loose interest. Sometimes it is something all together different that makes me loose interest.

When my friend made her comment we kept on the subject. She asked me then, "What is it about them, anyway? Is it that all of us American girls are fat cows compared?"

I wanted to be as honest as possible yet still being sensitive. "Well, since you mention it, yes, in a way. Asian girls almost always have a better body than Americans. They have a better skin tone, less body hair and fat and seem to be more fit. I'm not saying this is all I look for, but that is a definite advantage that they have."

Ironically, just days prior JD and I were talking about that. We have both recently come out of a relationship with an Asian girl. For some reason we both seemed to independently notice that American girls have beefy and hairy arms. We wondered how we never noticed it before. We just got used to Asians.

By now you have condemned me as a traitor to my own race and a shallow "natural man" whom lusts only after the flesh. Like I said, it is an advantage, but that is far from the only reason I can see why ha'ole women on this campus seem to be sans boyfriends. The crutch of it lies within.

Before we progress, I want to stipulate the remainder to be taken as a generalization of perception, not a hard rule for all. Don't take personal offence (and if you do, maybe it's due to something you see in yourself...).

Let's look back to the seventies. Ah, the bra burning days. Should women be allowed to drive, vote or have jobs? Sure. Should I be indoctrinated with thoughts that they can and should do every thing men were meant to do? No. I believe that a man is a man and a woman is a woman. They were created differently, at different times, and with different purposes. We should be magnifying our roles which are different rather than closing the gap. Many men today feel that our American women have lost the touch of a woman.

I, for one, don't want a man for my wife. I want a girl! I want someone that doesn’t have boy's hair (sorry, Lacey). I can't stand a girl that cusses or spits. I don't want a girl that tries to prove herself to men and the world that she can be independent. Why should she have to prove anything to anyone? Why should she be totally independent? I don't plan on being independent of my wife. Should either be independent of each other? Is it not ideal to strive for interdependence?

While this may not be the case for all American ha'oles, I can't say for certain. But they are much more brash, loud, boisterous, casual, full of loud laughter, pushy, and, in many ways, rude. Not only will they insist on wearing the pants in the family, they will rip them off you to get them. While they are at it, they would grab your hands and give themselves the priesthood. By contrast, Asian girls seem to be much more considerate, kind, respectful, reserved, and all around...well...womanly.

I know where you are going next: "But Jared, what you are saying is that you want a submissive girl who caters to your every whim and is close to a slave!" Not true at all. Just ask the last two Asians I dated and they'll tell you just how submissive they were. It's tact. A lesson left out of mainland Young Woman's programs. I don't want a suffrage of spirit, but who wants a suborn ass? (Meaning donkey...get your mind out of the gutter.)

I think that people (male or female) should be broken. The scriptures command us to come before The Lord with a broken heart. This does not mean broken as "unusable" or "ruined", but rather the opposite. What good is a horse that is not broken? You cannot ride it or do work with it. It is wild and untamed, and will remain that way. The Lord can't do anything with unbroken hearts. And we cannot make good mates for each other when not broken in heart either. Again, the American woman of today is far from that.

So, there you have it. This is why many men like myself seem to be dating the Asian girls on campus and not the Americans. Is it as base as physical ascetics? Is it the stereotype of indentured servitude? No. It's based on experience. It's sad experience in my own life that for some reason I have found myself being capable of entering an exclusive relationship with girls that are not of the "American" mind set.

Let's look at this like simple economics. American girls have priced themselves out of the business. They are simply more work than they are worth. They have done it to themselves.

My friend, you may be right. Perhaps you will not get a boyfriend on this campus because you are not Asian. I will not make any accusations to you specifically, but consider this: What do the Asians do differently that attract the men? It may surprise you that it's not how the Asians look that primarily set them apart.

"Darling, I’m afraid to close my eyes when I’m going to bed
I’m afraid you’ll crack the phone down over my head

Why are all american girls so rough?
Damn, that girl can’t ever hurt you enough

Lady (lady), you knock me on my knees and I can’t stand up
You got the look in your eye and you smack my butt

Why are all american girls so rough?
Why do all american girls act so tough?
Why are all american girls so rough?

Darling, I’m afraid to close my eyes when I’m goin to bed
I’m afraid you’ll crack the phone down over my head

Why are all american girls so rough?
Damn, that girl can’t ever hurt you enough

Lady (lady), you knock me on my knees and I can’t stand up
You got that look in your eye and you smack my butt

Why are all american girls so rough?
Why do all american girls act so tough?
Why are all american girls so rough?

That hole you’re digging in my ribs
It ain’t no real wound
So baby take it easy
Let’s try to be friends
Why are all american girls so rough?
Damn, that girl can’t ever hurt you enough

Lady (lady), you knock me down on my knees and I can’t stand up
You got the look in your eye, you smack my butt

Why are all american girls so rough?
Why do all american girls act so tough?
Why are all american girls so rough?

American girls
American girls
Why are all american girls so rough?
American girls
American girls
American girls
Why are all american girls so rough?
American girls
American girls
American girls
Why are all american girls so rough?
Why are all american girls so rough?
- American Girls by Weezer
Download Song