Friday, November 28, 2003

"Give me some of that hair, that long beautiful hair. Hair. Hair. Hair. Hair." - Hair by Golden Earing (I think)

How many people does it take to cuts Jared's Hair? The answer is 4, if you count Jared.
I have long since I have been here looked like a sheep dog. I hate long hair on me. I like it trimmed and clean and moderatly short. But it is hard to find someone to cut it and that goes for paying jobs too. Before I went to Fall Ball, i wanted to get a hair cut. I went to the campus hair butcher. They say that all guy haircuts are $10. I go there and the lady is standing around shooting the breeze and explaining to someone why she cant teach anyone how to cut hair leagally. Judging by her work, i dare say it's court ordered...
So after 15 min of waiting to get her attention, i ask about a hair cut. Nope. she said she had an appointment in another half-hour, so she couldnt trim me up. She could have, but she wouldnt. I keept up the shaggy impression.

After i got tired of it a few weeks later, i took some scissors to my head and cut it all by myself. It was suprizingly good. I didnt cut it as short as I would have liked, I was being judicious with my snips for fear of irrehencible damage. (hey, i dont check your spelling!) And again a few weeks later, i couldnt take it. I asked JaCi to cut it for me. I borrwed my roomates clippers and met her behind my hale. the outlet that I was told was there wasnt. so she did it with my scissors. It was fine, but still too long. When my hair is too long the bangs curl up like those of superman (not clark kent!). I dont like the Shirley Temple curls on my head. So, went to my room and began to trim myself again. the back was the part that i need worked on the most and is also the hardest to do. Jake tanner comes along and sees me. He offers to help, and does so...and leaves me looking like a 14th century paige. I'd kill the messenger if he looked like that too!
After a humiliating dinner, i went back to my room to make modifications on my self. Justin Benson, a guy who enjoyed a good laugh at my expence during said meal, took pity and came by to help. He made some brief modifications again followed by my finishing touches. At least at this point, i can walk down the street with pride...well...ok, it'll take more than that, but at least i'm one step closer...(and i'm about to break...)
"Worst episode ever..." - The Comic Book Guy in The Simpsons


Worst Thanksgiving ever...

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

What's In A Name...?

"O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?...Oh, what's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other word would smell as sweet; so Romeo would, were he not Romeo called, retain that dear perfection to which he owes without that title." - Juliet in Romeo + Juliet


Those famous lines of Juliet have nothing to do with the location of Romeo. "Wherefore art thou Romeo?" really translates into, "Why the heck do you have to have the name Romeo?" You see, they were truly a pair of star crossed lovers. And the ONLY reason why they didn't work out (besides the fact that they were emotional teen-age wreckingballs) was that...the name.

That brings me to my perdicament. My name. Truth be told, I like the name Jared. Juliet liked Romeo. That still didnt help the situation. I come from a long line of Jareds. No, it's not a family name, but it has had its rounds in history. The first I can think of is the brother of the brother of Jared. They called him "Jared" for short. Sure, he was nice enough. But he wasn't the good one. His brother was. It was Jared who was responsible for the start of kings amoung the Jaredites. They all went down the tubes. Not a Jaredite left. Good call, chet!

And don't forget the Subway Jared. I don't even need to explain that one. He sure did a lot for Jared Kind!

Think back to all the Jareds you know. I'm sure you know only a small number. They usually come in two forms. Big, dark and ugly or small, skinny and pale, glasses optional. The larger Jared breed is usually not very intelligent, but has a soft side. They once took a large Jared and taught it to take care of a small cat named Coco. The small Jared lurks in areas that are not well ventelated. Usually found in groups of other social missfits, small Jareds prefer to act quite the opposite of large Jareds and show off the intelligence they possess. Though they think that this will impress others, it has the reverse effect. Both breeds are found in a variety of locales, from the polynesian islands to the Mainland and everywhere inbetween. Universally, they also share the poor trait of having little to no sucess with the opposite sex. A Jared usually has to lower his standards below par to obtain a significant other. Ocassionaly, some Jareds break the mold, they suceed. Both beeds also are capable of raising normal and well adjusted children, so breeding is nothing to fear from them, the challange is getting willing participants.
I was named Jared, and therefore share the fate of that ilk.

I am not sure which "Jared" I am. I am deffinatly not skinny, but I also am pale, had glasses, and do well in school. I'm a sort of hybrid. Like if you cross two Jareds together.

I hope to be a new kind of Jared. A Jared that changes the Jared cliche. The kind of Jared that gets so well known that people will all know who you mean when you simply say, "Jared". Like a Prince or madonna or Cher, but with positive thoughts. Untill that day, i must battle everyday against the Jared stigmas which i face. Just today, Sadie was pondering why it is that she is always so mean to me. At lenght, she came to the conclusion that it must be due to a Jared that she knew at home that was mean to her and she didn't like. So i get his treatment? That's the way the ball bounces. Jessica was looking at a picture of her performance at Culture Night with me. (That reminds me, I broke rule 2, i paid the price that night.) There was a picture of a big, dark, unintelligent guy looking at the log he was supposed to be banging. I make a funny caption that applied to the expression on his face. Jessica died of laughter, especially when she remembered that he was also a Jared. Oi vey. Why must I be plauged by my name. It's a good name...or atlest it should be. What's in a name?

Maybe i could change it to Romeo...

"O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?" - (Jared to Sadie on 11-05-03 and) Romeo in Romeo + Juliet

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

"You see, George, you really have had a wonderful life." - Clarence the Angel in It's a Wonderful Life

My day was lackluster at best to begin with. But when you are at bottom, you can only go up. It went up.
After I worked, i spoke with my friend who was mad at me. We got the whole thing straightened out. Water under the bridge now. I went to a bit of class, then I went to play racketball with some freinds. John beat me, but i beat Jake 2 out of three. the third was only a half game, so i feel good about it. Then we had a meeting, Mom was nice about it.
I went to dinner and after Jake paid for me to have a ton of games of DDRMax (the dancing game that i am now addicted to) for my B-day. Shem played with it. I had the best games of my life. It was killer.
then i went to take a test which i was so not willing to do, but ended up getting an 'A' on! Not just an 'A', but 100%!
After that, i helped Lehua with the stuff right before I went to Erika's work, a Mac lab on campus. The plan was just to watch a movie, or so i was told. We walked in and there was a tower of mini chocolate donughts with 24 candles and Erika. Suddenly, about 15 of my good freinds on campus showed up. They were really well hidden. I thought there was no way they could be hidding in that small of a room. They sang, i blew out the candles, and got gifts. It really, really made me feel good. I made a speach and everybody made me feel like a star. It really was MY day. Talk about redemption. That was truly the best b-day gift ever. Then, they said they got a movie that i would like. they couldnt find "army of darkness" (my favorite move), but one that is just about as good. then i saw a DVD menu for a moive made for me. It was a slide show with some cool thoughts about me and a song i love "Take a Picture" by Filter. I So did not see that one comming. It was such a cool thing. And it was touching. No tears, but i could have...
I was having quite a funk, and felt that I would not enjoy my day at all. It turned out to be a GREAT birthday.
So, now i sit at a Mac at Erika's work as we watch Better Off Dead, which for once in a long time, I don't think is the case for me right now.
I didnt have to see what life would be like without me. I didnt need to have my wife and kids around, nor parents or siblings, neices or nephews. I just had to have some of the best friends a guy could ask for. I wine and moan my fair amount, but at the risk of sounding corny...It's a Wonderful Life.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry if I want to. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to...You would cry too if it happend to you." - It's My Party by Leslie Gore

Class! Class! Please sit down. Kavetching 101 is about to being. I trust you all receaved you syllabus? Good. I will just jump right in with a prime example.

In my life, I have now had 24 birthdays to speak of. Twenty Five if you figure that you start counting at zero and the first one I was alive for was the one in which I was born. I don't think that was a very good one for me. I was purple and in a coma, but i moved on.
When I turned 10 (i'm not sure exactly which age due to repression) I had another great one. I invited all of my "frineds" over. Meaning I had to beg people to come, what with me being the most popular of kids. I had atleast 10 boys I was expecting. And my mom even made me invite a kid that I couldnt stand. His name was Martin Prince. Now that I look back, his first name might be different (Martin Prince is actually the kid bart cant stand on the simpsons) but I called him "The German Prince-ess" becuase he used to wear lederhosen to chruch. A creative use of his last name if you ask me. Not suprisingly, he did show up...only an hour late. I was just waiting for my best friend John to show up. He had to go to some scout camp. Oh well. Others will come...uh...hello...is this thing on? I built it. Where were they? So I spent that birthday with a sympathetic mom and "the German Prince-ess" that I couldnt stand at the time. Hoo-ra!
My birthday so far has been less than 12 hours in the making and has proved to suck eggs quite well thus far.
Yesterday, Anuj (another RA i work with) asked to borrow my key since he lost his. I looked at the schedule to see if I was still working. I was promised the day off by the other RA's. Anuj assured me that he would come in, that's why he needed the key. I gave it up. I was in an odd sort of funk, the kind where you hate life and don't know why. I go to lunch and wonder of wonder, miracles of miracles, the Wonder Years is on TV. I sit close so as to watch it. A friend sits next to me and she is obviously somewhat peeved with me. This wasnt the first time, and i really, REALLY doubt it will be the last. I figured when it bugged her enough, she'd come talk to me. I let her have her cool off time. That and i couldnt think for the life of my what I could have possibly done this time. I then went to class and failed a test miserably. I then went to my room to get the ONLY sollace that I can find; sleep.
I woke ate dinner, then went to go babysit the son of my sister Wendy's friend. They were here on vacation and didnt want the baby at the PCC night show. During the babysitting, Fei called. I dont know for the life of me how she could have gotten my cell number. I didnt give it to her for a reason. She has her ways. Suprisingly, it wasnt that bad, and it was nice to talk to her. Then she wanted the WHOLE Sadie story. Last she heard, we were still together. So I had to tell her that we were not. I didnt feel like getting into details. As I was walking back with Jake to campus from the Closet house after babysitting, it began to rain on us. I got back to my Hale to work on a hard and stupid program for CS201 with JaiCi. At this time, the Fit hit the Shan with the freind who was mad at me. I had to run around and get yelled at by every female i knew, one by one. I went crazy by the end of the night. Turns out, something another one of my friends said about a freind got back to that freind as MY quote. Figures. Finally, I got to my room, it was now my birthday, and I thought I could stay up late since Anuj had the office for me. I watched Groundhog Day, with Bill Murray. I love that movie. I so want that to happen to me. I was dissapointed to note that it was infact another day, and I would have to live it.
I could tell it was a different day becuase my alarm went off latter than usual. I was trying to sleep in. I heard a knock at the door. I refused to answer. then I got a call. I knew it was related to the knock. It was Hale mom Terese. She began by wishing me a happy birthday...oh wait...that would be what one would expect. She chewed my ear off for not being in the office. Anuj was MIA and my name was still on the scedule. I then had to plead to her to let me in the office since I had no key, Anuj did. I got yelled at for that. Then I started by birthday off by sweeping and mopping a very dirty walkway (due to the rain last night). I vacumed the lounge, and sat down to spill my guts on this crappy of crappy days. Oh, yeah, I'm also hungry, but missed my chance to get breakfast (or even shower) becuase I HAD to mop and sweep before 10am!

Ok, class, any questions? I want a ten page Kavetch from each of you by tommorrow on my desk, or I'll go off and tell you how the rest of my day went.
I still have yet to face my freind who's pissed at me. I have a stupid class i have to get to. (National Hollidays like "Veteran's Day" aren't celebrated here in Hawaii becuase it's my birthday and that would mean no class and a better day!) I have a car in the shop I'm betting bent over for, I have a test to take that I know I will do misserably at and I know more is just around the corner!
Trust me, you do NOT want me go make good on my threat!!!

Class dissmissed.

Thursday, November 06, 2003

Melts In your Hands...

M&M Candies...Melts in your mouth, not in your hands... - Old M&M comercial slogan.


I think this may be the first time that I would rather give M&M's out rather than eat them. Ya, last night it happened. Hands were held, and candy coated chocolate was passed out. And to think, she is the one that initiated it. I think i like this sitting back and letting her do the work idea. I guess i just try too hard.
I might just adopt this policy with all aspects of my life. I can expect the Caf to deliver the crud they call a meal to me. I won't go to the office when i work, i will have the students come to my room. When it's time to take a test, the testing center will drop off the test and come back in 30 min to pick it up.
After a few years of living like that, I will become so huge that I will not be able to get through the bedroom door. When i get sick of being stuck in my room (I assume that I will have no roommate who would tollerate living with me anymore) I will have Jerry Springer do an episode about me. Then he will pay for the wall to be knocked down and for my lyposucktion. After a few months, the Subway diet, paid for my them of course. I can become "Jared Squared" or "Jared II - more shocking than before". I will make the old Jared of subway a laughable thing (as if he wasn't alrealy). Not long after that, the movie deals come...ah...we all have our dreams.
Yet, i somehow think this may infringe on my chances of holding hands with Sadie again...ever. Let alone the neccesity of the Ice Cream. I'm not so sure that's gonna happen. That's a real expensive one. But, It would be worth it. Who knows?
For now, I'm just gonna sit on my lazy bum and ride the tide. See where it goes. If you need me, you know where I'll be, sitting on my can watching Futurama or The Simpsons on my computer, eating leftover M&M's and waiting.

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

Dorothy: Well Blanche is certainly taking her sister's novel better than I would. I would kill my sister Gloria if she ever wrote about my sex life.
Sophia: You would kill your sister over a pamphlet?

- The Golden Girls

My birthday came a touch early…9 days early to be precise. I am basing this on a certain gift I got early. Well, this isn’t the kind of gift that I actually OWN, but it’s one that will take the idle time I have and make life more fun. Ya, it’s called a girlfriend...well, sort of. I’ve read about them, I dreamt of them, I’ve even sung songs about them, and now it has happened to me.
To be fair, I did actually have one before, but that feels like a different time and a different me.
Ok, ok, enough with the anticipation. I’ll tell you who. Sadie Swenson (I know I’m gonna get it if I spelled the name wrong…). I have been in pursuit for some time. Alas, my work finally paid off. I actually told her that I was going to give up earlier tonight too.
I hope it won’t come back to bite me, but I have to tell you what happened Halloween. I dressed up as Zorro. It was nice. Talk about devenier. I had the cape, the thin black mustache (real ‘stache, painted by a sharpie), and the mask, completed by a sword. How could one resist me? Well, I make it possible.
Sadie (whom is a fellow RA) had to dress up also, since we all had to work on the Hale-ween “Spooktacualr” activity. (Ya, I thought it was cheesy too.) I got stuck with the face painting and Sadie was welcoming people at the door. Didn’t get to see her too much. She was dressed up as a man, a pirate with a drawn on goatee and sideburns. I’m not gay or anything, but I still thought she was cute looking…
I was doing a stellar job as a face painter. I was quite impressed with myself. I actually enjoyed it. The game room was closed down and we went to the dance where I sat and watch others look silly. I don’t do dance well, and especially if Sadie were to see me. She danced a bit with others and she is pretty good. If I could convince her to lead and I follow, it may work out for us to dance…
At midnight, we both went to lock up our respective Hales to lock them up. When I went to my room, I grabbed some M&M’s that I have been holding on to for some time, waiting for the right time to give them to her. Why?
She admitted to me (I tricked her into telling me the story) that some girls have a pact that they will give M&M’s to their friends if the hold hands with a guy, Ice Cream for a kiss and whole pizza party if they get married. I figured M&M’s were mild enough, yet reasonable.
As we were walking back I pulled them out of my pocket (nervous as usual) and said, “Here I got these for you.”
“Oh, good, thanks.”
She started to open them as I continued. “Want to know why?” I reached over and she…well…it was almost like a seizure but there was no foam at the mouth. We then actually fought over her hand for a few moments.
I lost.
She gave me the M&M’s back. I tired to give them back to her “free of charge” but no go. I kept them, in hopes that some day she may want them back. Hey, a guy’s gotta have hope.
Basically, she didn’t feel ready. I can't hold it against her. Dating is a scary thing. The story of my love life is going to be some light reading in the children's section at this rate.
I thought maybe I was going about it the wrong way, so I decided to change my tactics. She called me and I told her I was going to play hard to get and change the tide on her. Not long later I ate those words as she told me that she’d give me a shot!
I don’t know if I have really deserved it, but I got it. Now the challenge will be to make her not regret the decision. I don’t think that will be to hard…right?

Saturday, November 01, 2003

What are you CRYING? There is no crying in baseball! - Tom Hanks in A Leauge Of Their Own

Jared steps up to the plate. The pitch comes, he swings, it's a line drive...grounder ball. He makes a dash for first. He gets to the plate...and...OH! Taged out before he even felt the padding of base. One out, two to go at the top of the ninth.