Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Sometimes I Feel Like, Someone Is Watching Me...

How do you know when the Feds are just outside spying on you? Here's an easy way to tell. Using any wi-fi enabled device, search for available networks. If you see "FBI Surveillance Van" you might just wonder what the nonchalant flower delivery truck across the street is up to.
And best of all, the network isn't even secured, so you may get some free internet access out of it...

Friday, May 06, 2011

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Regurgitated (aka Payback is a B...aby)...

Poor baby Maia is sick. Despite the odds, she's barely been sick at all in her first year. She's trying to make up for lost time now. Last night she was having trouble sleeping, likely due to the fever and stuffy nose. So we took her onto our bed for a short time.

While crawling around and just as she was half over me, she had a hiccup, which then accompanied a fountain of partially digested baby food spewing forth from her mouth. I thought the stuff was nasty looking before she ate it. To be fair to Maia, I should have seen it coming. When her head did a full 360 degree turn I had my first warning.

The vomit not only landed on me, but also all over my side of the bed. Somehow, inexplicably, my parents 6 thousand miles away started laughing uncontrollably. Naturally, Anna's side of the bed was as pristine as a showroom display.

Tonight her fever has continued. As we put her down for bed, we thought we might fare better this time. She stood up in her crib and starting bawling. We usually give her a few minutes to cry so she can calm down on her own and go to sleep. But we could tell from this cry it wasn't going to be one of those passing sobs. Anna walking in to check on her and found that she had left a projectile war path of sputum. It was all over her chest, the floor, her crib, toys, dresser and I believe the ceiling. It looked as if someone had hooked her up to one of those garden hose toys that randomly shoots out in all directions.

Anna and I tried to clean the mess before contacting an old priest and young priest who were familiar with exorcism. I got the fun task of hand washing the sick off the linen before we put it into the washing machine. I nearly added more of my own in the process.

I know I donated my fair share of throw-up when I was a child. And I know that I wasn't the one that cleaned it up. So, I suppose its only fair that I am now on the other side. I was just thinking the other day that being a father isn't so bad. But after tonight I found myself thinking that I don't want to be a dad right now. My parents would have gotten a kick out of seeing me deal with this tonight.

These moments pass and before I know it, I'll be reading Maia's blog one day about how she is cleaning up her first child's vomit...

How did this topic get me onto The Circle of Life?