Not Far From The Tree...

My mom recently let me know that I needed to start paying off my student loan. Because I had no idea that I'd be after I graduated, I used my parent's address on the loan paperwork. The loan agency that I used seems to have a hard time tracking me down. Rather than just let me know, she sent me a rather amusing run-down of how the conversation went. The following passage has been edited for grammar and punctuation.

The xxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx, more commonly know as your school loan, needs your address. I called them because they said you need to start paying them. This is our conversation. I am not making this up.

ME: You are sending Jared's mail payment forms to me. Here is his new address. (I gave them your full name and address)

Them: Do you know his social Security number?

Me: NO, he's an adult now and I don't have it. You could look it up using his name.

Them: No, we can't. We need his number.

Me: So I could get a loan using a number with a made up name and you would bill that poor person without checking to see if the name matched the number.

Them: Silence...

Me: If you want your money please look up his loan number.

Them: We can't.

Me: You have his name, don't you know what his number is? I don't want his Social Security number, I don't want his loan number, all I want to do is to give you his address so you can mail the bill to him.

Them: NO, we need his name and social security number or his loan number.

Me: Didn't he give his social to you and didn't you give him a loan based on his good name.

Them: Silence...

Me: Well this has been fun, I'll let him know but his payment might be late since you can't find him, that shouldn't be a problem should it?

Them: (Silence...) Let him know we need his payment before xx/xx/06.

Me: I love red tape, when you stop hitting your head against the wall it feels so good.


SOO.. If you don't want the nasty but stupid men in black knocking at your door call toll free (use their dime it will serve them right) 1-877-xxx-xxxx or go on line at www.xxxxx.org. Let the misbegotten know where you are.

I called the number and sure enough, they won't accept calls from Guam. Do they want my number or not.

While musing at the events, I noticed that this email sent to me was exactly the stuff that my blogs are made of. I always used to think (and hope) that I was adopted. Apparently, I'm at least partly related to at least one of my parents after all. Who knew?