Iceman: Hell of a bird, had this baby up to mach 3 yesterday.
Pilot: You were going mach 3 on a 727?
Iceman: I was shaving with a Mach 3. When you shave with a Mach 3, you have no time to think. You think, you're dead.
- Val Kilmer as Iceman on Saturday Night Live


Sometimes I think biting the bullet is actually cheaper. Today I went shopping for a new blade. No, I'm not suicidal, I just got tired of bleeding while shaving and thought it might be time to get a new razor that cuts at least twice as much hair as skin. For some time I have been an avid supporter of the Gillette Mach 3. Why? Maybe because of the blades.

The Mach 3

Back in the day, a man had one long thick blade he'd buy and use for life. Then the idea of having a leather strope hanging in the bathroom got to be too much for women to handle so small portable ones came along. They had a good solid metal handle and a sturdy blade, they didn't last as long, but they would clean a face right up after each use. They were too heavy and would stick to your hands on a cold morning so then came feminine plastic ones. Again, one blade. These were "disposable" meaning you still paid enough for them, but got less use out of it. They were cheaper per razor, but a short term rental. The cheap blade was razor thin (imagine that) so then came a "duo" blade. Wow, two cheap blades for the price of one and a half! They did cut better. And they would wear out the same time as one blade. Along came the late 90's and razor technology was at a standstill when suddenly Gillette raised the bar and price tag of shaving with the Mach 3.

On my mission, the thing I liked about transfers was the inherentance factor. If you came into a new pad (lingo for apartment) and something was left on your side of the room, it was now yours. If you were staying but your companion was leaving, you had only hours to scour the pad for any left behind goods and confiscate them before the new guy figured out that they weren't already yours. In my second area, when I came in, there was a guy who left didn't pack his Mach 3...my Mach 3. I loved the fine close shave. It HAD to be the 3 blades. My first one was free, once I was hooked, Gillette had me right where it wanted.

In the following areas, the first thing I would do is scour the area for new blades. I made it my mission (besides saving souls) to get free Mach 3 blades. The real reason was the cost; dang expensive. After hoarding all the blades I could muster and using them long past expiration, I had run out as of late. That's why I went shopping for them for the first time.

I went to the razor isle. There were no Mach 3 blades there, only new razors. That's one way they get you. Then I saw the new "Quatro"! Wow, they had done it. They found a way to make 4 blades on a single head. I think the day is not far off when we can buy a razor head with 30 blades, do one swipe across the face and toss it away after each use. The cut will be so close you won't even know you had a nose. While musing on this idea, I realized that I was still far from my shaving dilemma. I then had a recollection in my mind of where it is that I usually see the heads. They are neatly stowed in the checkout lane with the candy. Funny, at Halloween they take candy from kids because some sicko may have put razor blades in it. The rest of the year, you find them all on the same isle...
So I got myself some candy and a sharp object to slash myself for guilt of eating it - that and paying for it. How much would you pay for some disposable blades? How about a 4 pack? I paid over $12. I was getting stubbly and didn't want to go through the process of buying a new razor and blades, so I broke down and did it. I don't plan on replacing them any time soon either. They put these handy "blue usage strips" on the razor. The thing is basically some paper strip with blue water colors that comes off after 2 uses. They assume that missing blue line will invoke some sort of fear into our hearts. Well you can't fool me!

I think the time has come for a boycott. I should just break down and buy disposable razors for the female leg. I am not what one would call and "experienced" man, but I do know that an unshaved female leg has twice the sandpaper quality as any man's face. If those dinky disposable guys can cut through that forest of despair, I'm sure my face can get a clean shorn shine; and for many shaves into the future. I'm tired of your taking my money, Gillette!

Still, I had already got my new blades. So I will use what I got and hope to find more when students check out of the dorms this summer. I was happy to finally have my new blades. First thing I did was run home and shave...then bleed...then cover up the cut spots with tissue...then cuss out Gillette one last time...