Just Eat It...

Ok, so I think I’m a pretty good tourist. I don’t ask stupid questions. I don’t cross the lines we aren’t supposed to. I respect the sacred things of the places I visit. And I always try to enjoy the local cuisine. But at some point I have to say enough is enough.

After three weeks of eating throughout South-East Asia, I have just about had my fill of dishes were I had to ask, “What is that?” I just want something that does not involve second guessing. I have had some dishes I really enjoy, like Pho Bo, which is a beef noodle soup.



But then there are the other things.

The problem with serving pill bugs is that you can't help but play with your food.

It's like that duck decapitation scene in A Christmas Story, only they expect you to not waste this head.

Now there's a grab bag of fun. This makes me simultaneously thirsty and hungry.

This is a barrel of snakes. Yummy.

While I am grateful for the food I have been provided, I have to admit that meal time in Vietnam is like Fear Factor...every time.

And what you saw above is just the stuff I came in contact with. I had fun taking some pictures of the menu choices at one place. Just look at the stuff of this menu.

This was actually my second time eating eel. It's not as gross as you'd think. But I just can't get past the thought of it in my head.

Thanks to the French, Vietnam has great pastries and cheeses. But that also means Snails and Frogs too. At least they made the frog dish sound Asian with "Sweet and Sour Frog."

"Half cooked goat with lemon." When a fully cooked meal won't satisfy...

I didn't know there were so many ways to cook pigeon. Someone should let New York City know. That's take care of both the pigeon infestation and starving homeless at the same time.

I don't mind rabbit, but with mushrooms? Forget it.

A Trionychid turtle is the kind that kids get as pets...and as snacks in Vietnam.

I know that you are thinking that where is says "crub" it's just a typo. Odds are, it's some peculiar creature you don't want to eat. If you ever assume something is a typo you'll be surprised what kind of food you actually get if you order it.

Some may not be that exotic, but all not what you eat every day in America. Don’t get me wrong. I do like to try new things. And I have proof. And now I can say for sure I never want to eat snail again.



When I get home I am going to gorge myself on Taco Bell. Please, don’t tell me how they make it or what the kitchen is like at Taco Bell. I don’t want to know.

Perfume Pagoda...

N 20 deg 36.833’
E 105 deg 44.033’

While my parents, their friends and my brother with his Fiance went south to Da Nang, Hue, and Hoi An, I stayed in Hanoi with my in-laws. I’d went to those places last year. To ensure I wasn’t bored, Anna’s parents took us to the Perfume Pagoda.

This pagoda is famous among the locals. Every new year (by the Chinese calendar) they flock to the Perfume Pagoda. This is a feat not unlike a pilgrimage. First one must get to a remote rice village. Then board a small shallow rowboat and paddle 2 miles. Then walk up the entire height of a mountain, about 900 feet. From there you go into a crowded cave to pray for fertility and fortune. Anna did this a good few times growing up.

We went during the off season, so I didn’t get the full experience. Anna assures me that it is so crowded you never see any part of the floor. I’ve seen the night market in Hanoi. I believe her.

The docks had only white tourists this time of year.



It started raining on us and we didn’t have any umbrellas. Anna’s mom got us some of the local hats. They say that these hats are natural and based off of natural shapes. I don’t see it.





Once we got to the other end, we started up the stairs. Anna’s dad didn’t feel like over doing it. He got us all passes on the new cable car. It was so much nicer climbing the mountain this way.



But we still took our fair share of steps.



At the top there is a great green view.



The pagoda is not a traditional building as I expected. It’s actually a cave, a foggy cave.





Anna’s dad reminded me that this is a good place to pray for children. I declined since I am going to the REAL temple next week in Manila and it will do me much more good to pray there.

Afterward we went back down. Again we rode the slow moving boat with a local paddler. I noticed the boats with Americans in them were riding pretty low. Tourists do come here, but it’s clear this is a place for locals. I think these boats were designed with the small and light locals in mind.

Ha Long Bay...

N 20 deg 54.160’
E 107 deg 01.078’

The van picked us up early and we began our three hour drive to Ha Long Bay. This is a very scenic part of Vietnam on the open water. Our transportation upon arrival at the docks was a junk. No, that’s not just a name; it was actually a piece of floating junk. If I had a dollar for every cockroach I had encounters with I’d get the tour for free and they’d still owe me.

This is what the junks look like. All of them in Ha Long are cookie cutter similar.

The name of our junk was particularly ironic, I thought. The sign is cut a bit in this pic, but there were only two stars on there to see anyway.

As we pulled away, we instantly saw the wondrous mountain islands.



We also made a stop or two. One was to walk through and explore one of the many caves. The cave we went to was completely re-done by the government. It didn’t feel very authentic. They told us “ancient tales” that related to the way some of the shadows formed. Of course, those shadows were only there due to the way the lights were placed by them, so I had a feeling that story was made up some time in the mid nineties.

After the cave we had to find which boat was ours. Harder than it sounds.



We then drove through a fishing village at the GPS coordinates shown at the top of this post. In this village the people don’t spend much time on land. They literally live in a floating city. The kids will swim to school and in the off time, come around in boats selling stuff to hungry tourists that don’t trust the roach infested kitchens on the junk. We also got to get out and kayak around the village.



As the sun set, we laid anchor. It was cool and fresh air. Not being any close-by land, there were no mosquitoes. A welcomed break.



In the morning we expected to see a half dozen other things that our tour itinerary said was included. But we drove straight back to the docks. When we asked the guide why we were getting short changed he looked at the printout my dad brought. Then he said, “Well, this island on the list is right there. And we sailed by that island yesterday. That cave is the one you were next to in the kayak. And this one is right there. So, you’ve seen it all now.” What a rip off.

Either way, it was a nice relaxing trip. If you go, bring some Raid and sanitary wipes, but also, bring a good camera. The amazing view is worth it all.

Church in Vietnam...

N 21 deg 02.163'
E 105 deg 48.720'

As we arrived in Vietnam, the only thing on my mind was Anna. It had been weeks since I had seen her and soon wasn’t soon enough. After the annoying process of getting my Visa and paperwork done, then gathering luggage and finally leaving customs, I ran into her open arms. It felt so right to be there.

Anna’s parents were there as well. Her mom was at our Arizona wedding, so was acquainted with my parents. But my father-in-law hasn’t had any correspondence with my parents that I know of. Brief pleasantries were exchanged and we parted; me with Anna and her parents, the rest of our group with the tour guide van.

The first day in Vietnam my parents did all of the obligatory sights. I had already seen all of what they were to see when I was in Vietnam last year, so I spent the day with my in-laws instead. We just visited family for the most part. The following day was Sunday. We all went to the only LDS branch in Hanoi. Unfortunately, her parents didn’t want to come. We’ll have to try harder to get them converted.

Church was small. Since we are not a recognized religion there yet, we can’t even have a sign outside saying that this was the church meetinghouse. The meetinghouse is simply a regular house that’s been retrofitted for our needs. If you didn’t know, you’d never find it.

Everybody was happy to see new faces. There is a small turnout every week. Most of the people there were not members, but there are plenty of eternal investigators - people who have been learning about the church but for one reason or another won’t make that commitment to get baptized. In fact, after sacrament, I found out that two of the three speakers and the chorister are all non-members. And they seemed like stronger members than some I know in Guam.

There are actually two full time young missionaries there. They can only wear their nametags in the church building. They can walk around in suits and answer questions but they can’t proselyte or tract. They really have to rely on inquisitive people or referrals. Also, they are Vietnamese citizens. No foreigners are allowed to come in as preaching missionaries (we do have a couple humanitarian couples, though). The elders are from Ho Chi Minh City where the church is stronger. The two missionaries that were in church this Sunday were the second and third to ever be called on a mission in Hanoi. They didn’t even seem to realize what kind of pioneers of the gospel they were.

The spirit was just as strong in church there as it could be anywhere, perhaps even more so. It’s nice to live somewhere where it’s easier to live the gospel. Living there would really try the level of your faith. I bet they would be in shock if they knew that my home stake is just one square mile and has 8 full size wards in it.

If you ever want to gain a deeper appreciation of what the church is for you and what you have as a member of the church, try visiting in a place Hanoi. By comparison, even Guam’s branches seemed metropolitan. I hope that the next time I visit there, the church will be recognized by the government and the church can really start to grow. I have a feeling the gospel will do surprisingly well there.

Dang, Da Nang...

My last stop was in Da Nang. We drove there from Hoi An. The thrust of tourism for Da Nang is a hill top pagoda with other statues and temples. We were not prepared for the hike that ensued. In the pic below you can see how far we hiked. We started down where the cars are, and stopped for the first time when I took this pic.

A big 'ole rock.

After some over priced and probably recycled water, we kept on exploring the mountain top. We had to get a pic with this elegant buddah with a stomach that rivals even mine. It is said that for some reason if you rub the belly button of this dude, you get good luck. Unfortunately, you don't get hand sanitizer when you are finished.

And yet Anna won't even look at my belly for good luck!

Around every corner was a pagoda or statue of some kind. This one was huge!

In this pic you can't sense the magnitude of this sculpture.

Along the main path was an off-shoot to Heaven's Gate. You have to crawl through a cave and through holes to get to the actual top of the mountain.

The entrance to Heaven...yes, it's the stairway...

The whole way they kept telling me that I couldn't do it. That I was too big. That I had better stay below. They apparently had never heard of American Willpower. Not only did I get up there no problem, but I out performed them all. I was springing back down as sure footed as a mountain goat, only slowing down to give Anna a helping hand. How big do they really think I am...?

Anyway, fat stereotypes aside, we had a pleasurable visit. Like any trip somewhere, after you've seen a dozen pagodas and buddahs, you are about ready to move on to something new. We hiked down and made our way to the van that was to take us back to the train station.

As we got to the train station we were eager to be home already. Once they let us board the train we got on and waited to leave. Due to some travel agency mess up, we didn't get our own car with the beds. We were on seats that were reminiscent of airplane welfare section. I knew it'd be a long and uncomfortable 18 hour trip.

But sure enough, something went wrong again. Being completely lost in Vietnamese, the fast paced argument between Anna's dad and the random stranger shaking tickets in his face only confused me. And I was even more confused when I was told to grab my stuff and get off the train. Just as we got off, the train then left us standing there. The travel agency also booked us on the train for the wrong day!

We were stuck in Da Nang with no hotel or transportation for at least 24 hours. The travel agency offered us no help. There was a hotel next door to the train station so we went there first. They negotiated a price while I sat in the lounge. After we were all squared away, I grabbed my stuff and followed Anna to the elevator where more confusing Vietnamese arguing took place.

I came to find out that this time they argued about me. Since I was an American, they wanted to charge all of us - Anna's parents, herself and me - the full American rate, which was considerably more expensive. We told them what they could do with their "American Rate."

Anna's dad hopped on a scooter, gave the guy a few Dong, and in an hour returned with a hotel reserved and paid for in advance so they couldn't raise the price when they saw my skin pigmentation.

The next day we were on the lovely train again. The less than luxurious seats were waiting for us. After the previous day's events, we were glad just to have that.

The ride back had much of same beautiful scenery. I got to see plenty of it, as I was seated by the window and never got up once the whole 18 hours. If you saw the floor, walls, doors and especially the toilets, you would move as little as possible too.

Ironic typo

This must be the "plush" toilet they talk about.

At least they delivered food.

Yet another experience in train food gambling. I hear locals bet on what parasites they get from the food for fun.

I ate sparingly as I didn't have a spare immune system. By the end of the ride the four of us had swollen legs. Our feet looked like dough rising out of our of shoes. I don't think I was ever so glad to be back in our hotel room in Hanoi.

Hoi An, Ahoy...!

We drove from Hue to Hoi An in a few hours. Along the way I saw many buildings that were still in shambles from the war.

Sure, a fixer-uper. But there's a great PTA in this neighborhood.

The whole time I kept on thinking of what kind of communist slogan they could use to justify such neglect. How about, "Try communism! Let us do nothing for you too!"

We got into Hoi An just as the sun was going down. Since we were to leave Hoi An the next morning, this meant that we once again were going to get short changed by our tour agency.

Thanks to our previous griping, we did get a night time walking tour of the village. After about three minutes I knew what the local specialty was.

Hoi An is a very old town and has kept much of it's old charm. I especially liked the street signs with TLC carved into each one.

I may not know where I am still, but at least I know that I'm somewhere.

After more walking, sweating and feeling like Danny Devito's gym socks, we got to take some well deserved rest sipping some juice that I cannot identify by the sign.

Since I can't read the sign, I pointed to the longest name insuring I'd get the most for my money.

After that we had no energy left and nowhere else to go if we did. We retreated to our hotel ready for a day in Da Nang.

Hue? No Way...

The morning after our Vietnamese wedding we woke up early and headed to the train station. I have to admit. I was a bit excited. I wanted to see as much of Vietnam as I could. Since we had limited time that I could stay, we decided to only go as far South as Hoi An. The first stop, however, was Hue.

Hue is the home of the ancient imperial capital of Vietnam, or Annam. Think of it like China's Forbidden City for Vietnam.

Part of the charm of the trip was that we would make the trip via train. You can't beat the romanticism of train rides through a sunset. Well, now that I've actually been on one; yes, you can.

Fortunately, my in-laws decided to splurge and we got our own cubicle with cots. We hung out, listened to music and ate snacks that we brought. I was glad for those snacks when the meal came around.

And this was the best of the train meals we had!

I now know fear.

But the worst part of the train hits you about the same time the food finishes it's trip through your large intestine. One look at the toilet they expect you to use and you'll be amazed how long you can hold it in.

If I dropped my iPod in there, I'd just let it go...

Why must this trip resemble Fear Factor so often?

But there was one great thing about the train ride that made most of the 16 hour trek worth it - the view.

The rice fields full of women with home woven hats working. Like nothing has changed in 100 years.

Home made fishing nets along a nonchalant river.

Once in Hue we made way to our hotel. We ran across this quaint cafe.

Ironically titled the "DMZ" or De-Militarized Zone.

Once we checked in and ate lunch, we caught up with our tour, apparently in progress. We first came to the palace.

The Mandarin (Court Advisers)

Can you guess which one is actually Anna?

And the highlight of the trip was seeing the pictures of the old kings. I think the one that stood out most to me was the greatest king in their history. The pictures are so old that they have faded some, but you can still feel the nobility and honor of this great king Anh Beo.

Now there's a guy I'd take a bullet (or arrow) for.

And what would be a trip to any city in Vietnam without visiting it's local pagoda. A pagoda is a holy place for Buddhists. Not quite a temple, but close enough.

Following the pagoda, we boarded a boat and headed back to the center of Hue. We passed some old school fishermen.

They get GREAT gas millage!

This is the famous bridge in Hue as seen from the left pontoon of our boat.

Then suddenly, we found ourselves sitting at the war-torn DMZ cafe once again. They abandon you and expect you to find your own way back to your hotel. Once we got back to our hotel we noticed that we hadn't seen a fraction of what we paid for and were told we'd see. Sure enough, our tour agency messed up and was trying to cheat us out of some stops. Anna's dad arranged for some early morning sights before we had to leave to Hoi An the next morning.

We woke up ready to run. We caught the first half of the tour route that we missed the previous day to a village that makes incense and those famous pointed hats. We watched them make some.

She can finish a stick of incense in about 20-30 seconds.

That big blog of brown stuff to the top and center is the incense. It looks far less enticing in that form.

A few more pagodas and deceased king's palaces later we parted from the tour and set sail for Hoi An.