The Empire Hijacks...

Right now I am sitting at the most scary place on earth to use the Internet. No, not prison, Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch, or even a mother-in-law's who's having her "special time" of the month. I am using the Mesa Public Library. Why? My computer has been hijacked.

I know this week has been riddled with disappointment for you. It has for me. I have a slew of pictures from Washington D.C. that I want to share to the world. I have pleasant thoughts and reflections on Father's Day that I wish to let out. These things and others have been put on hiatus because I have no venue to use.

To be fair, my computer as I know it here is more of my parent's computer. Being their full time IT tech I am entitled to primary usage. In addition, I have made more upgrades to that computer than Dr. Frankenstein to his monster. The case, processor, RAM, extra hard drive, keyboard, mouse, power supply, and legal full version of Windows XP Pro are all additions I have donated. It's more mine than anyone's if you trace the roots. Still, in my kindness I share.

Lately, it's been "shared" a bit disproportionately by my brother-in-law, Mike, who is visiting for the week. As soon as he sits down I know that he will be sitting there for many, many hours at a time. At first I thought to myself, "Suzan," that's what I call myself, "he's just doing work that he needs to. He is a guest. Let him do what he has to." That gentle sentiment has now worn off.

When he does get off I see a hole an I run for it. I dash toward the keyboard and cling on. I type furiously while I can. I start by doing what I know will take the longest - copying my DVD's. I have recently obtained some legal software that enables me to make back up DVD's of any movie, copy written or not. This takes some time as it must both remove the encryption and squeeze the movie down to DVD-R size before burning. While I get it on path for that I do other business. Just as I am about to start Mike comes back. I tell myself again, "Suzan, he's just a guest, let him use it for a minute or two while the DVD program is running." I do just that.

He then has the gal to whine and moan about how my program running in the background is slowing down HIS computer. Most of what he is doing is internet based and we only have a dialup modem. What's more, we are only getting a 28.8 connection. If you know what that is, you know that it doesn’t matter what I am doing on the computer, it couldn't go any slower if you dipped the modem in cold molasses.

Then I was reminded of his computer. His actual computer. He did bring one. It's sitting unused upstairs. If he brought his own computer, why is he piddling away, complaining the whole time, on our computer? I let it go.

Last night Mike and the whole family (including myself) were going to go swimming together. That meant I could leave a movie to re-encode while we were gone. When we got back my efforts paid off. All I had to do next was put a blank DVD in and I'd have a perfect copy of "The Mummy: Special Edition". One problem - Mike got to it first. Well, "Suzan, you can wait. It's only 10:30 now. He'll be done soon." By 11:30 I thought, "Suzan, you might want to assert yourself." By 12:30am I figured I could just pop the blank in and let it run while he did his thing. When I came back in the morning he was STILL at the computer. Does he ever sleep? He then told me that it didn't burn last night. I had to take the disc out, and put it back in for it to start burning.

When we got back from taking all of my nieces and nephews to the museum I noticed that my dad's convertible was gone. Mike must have had it. Yesterday my dad said to his best buddy, Mike, "Are you sure you don't want to take my car?" Interesting. My dad has never said that to me. In fact, he hasn't let me drive it since I have been back this summer. Mike had his car at our house and so declined the offer since he needed to clean his up anyway. I'm sure he made up for lost time with it today.

I was glad that he did take it today; that meant that I could have the computer for some much needed Internet access and blogging. First thing I decided to get rolling was another movie in my cue. I then was curious about what kind of work he was doing on my computer that was so important. He left Internet explorer open. He had been spending the last hour checking sports scores on the Internet. Well, that is much more important than anything else, isn't it? That was as far as I got when he came home, sat down at my computer and started back up where he left off. I had my program running so I left it at that.

I came back as I was expecting it to be finished. Before I rounded the doorway into the room I over heard a conversation between him and his new best friend, my dad. They shared their admiration for themselves and distaste for me. Mike complained more about the computer being slow and my dad gleefully used this chance to verbally crucify me. This is one alliance I don't like to see form - a Dark Lord Sith and his young apprentice. Truly, Mike is on his way. The sad part is that one of them really is my father.

I came in and sat down in the chair and patiently waited for my DVD to finnish. A few minutes later Mike complained again about a program loading slow due to my burning. That was true - burning DVD's slows down running processes and loading a word document will get delayed. However, I was running out of my good nature at this point and opened my mouth.

"Well, Mike, if you don't like it so much, stop your belly aching and quit using it. You did bring your own computer with you. If ours is so slow and bad, you can use yours."

Then something I have dreamt about for weeks had finally happened. He didn't say a word! That's right. Nothing. Mike is the kind of guy that has an opinion on everything. He makes sure you know what that is, even, and especially, if you don't care. He never is without words. But this time I had him. I said the God-honest truth, used logic against him and he had no ground to step on. I'm sure he later asked my dad, "Is it possible to learn how to come back from an approach like that?" My dad's answer will be, "Not from a blogger."

His dark Lord spoke. "What about me? It's my computer. Don't I get a chance to use it?" I did not feel like picking a fight with my father at this time. I was about to explain to him that what's left of his computer wouldn't work without what I put into it. Instead I just used a simple answer. "Well, your not using it now. If you want to use it, go ahead. I'm not the one stopping you."

Neither had any words. I sat quitely for a while and Mike repeated. "Your burning slows down what I'm doing."

I withheld my reply. What I wanted to say was, "Did you ever stop to think that what your doing is slowing down my burning? It goes both ways. My disc would be done now if you let the computer sit for five minutes."

Besides, is he absolutely certain that my burning is causing it? Only Siths deal in absolutes...

For a time, I had him sitting quiet for a time with a lack of words. That was enough of a victory for the day. When my disc popped out, I took it, put it away and drove here to the Mesa Public Library to rub wart infested elbows with the mulletted, toothless and despondent of valley. As much as I would love to, I cannot elaborate any further with my observations as I am limited to only one hour a day on the internet here. My fellow bloggers know that is a short time to put together a decent blog - not that this one was.

In a week my regular blogging will resume. My website will be more regularly updated. If all goes well, you will see an entirely new look by the end of this summer. Until then, God speed. May the modem be with you. The rebellion my have lost this battle, but the next chapter is called "Return Of The Blogger."