Hearts across the globe right now are in disarray. I thought it was just me but I was wrong. My father and I both seem to share a similar ailment. Allow me to explain.
About two weeks ago I broke up with Anna. I was not thrilled, who is after a break up? I tried to move on. In the process I admittedly spent too much time with another ex, Fei. Everyone kept telling me that we should date again. I guess all that talk made my mind wonder. One night on Yahoo! IM (never talk about anything remotely important on that) I asked her what she thought about it. Not a great idea. People get carried away and bolder on chatting programs. I scared her. As a result, she now avoids me like the plague. The next time I saw her after that was over 24 hours later (a big difference from the previous weeks) and all she said was, “I was supposed to be gone before you got here.” That was it. She spoke to others and left.
Just as Fei started to stop talking to me, Anna started to talk to me more. She technically broke up with me and I didn’t want it yet. Once it happened, I was ready to move on. I don’t think she was. We sort of started dating again. It’s great to still have a girlfriend. It’s also melancholy inducing to know that this will again be very short lived. We’ve talked about it and it looks as if we only have a week or two before we call it quits for good.
My heart at this point is taxed. My ex-girlfriend and now apparently ex-best friend goes to great lengths to avoid me. I am dating another ex, which is nice, but with the intent to break up knowing I will again be lonely. I know that she will likely avert her eyes from my gaze as well to make the break up easier and permanent this time. Just when you thought your love life can’t get worse.
I understand that Fei is trying to do what she feels is right. I can accept that. But this must be a sign that her heart is also out of whack some. I know that poor Anna feels amiss and I wish I could do more to fix that. I’m afraid I can’t.
Those of you paying attention might be wondering what this has to do with my Dad. Like I said, he and I share something in common. That may or may not come as a shocker. As a child we didn’t get along very well. From the age of 12 until the time I returned from my mission we could never finish a meal at the same table together. I didn’t agree with him or his tactics most of the time. The same was likewise for him. I thought we had nothing in common to build on. My mom insisted that we had so much in common that we couldn’t get along. Either way, we didn’t. But this time I know that we do some something in common – heart matters.
For my father, however, it is far more literal. My mom called me at midnight last night. I have a special ring tone for home “Solsbury Hill” by Peter Gabriel. I chose it because of the chorus, “I’m going home.”
When I heard that I knew instantly that it was home. I then thought about how odd it is that they would call me so late. It is 3am in Arizona. Something must be wrong. My mom was on the other end. She first said that she needed to tell me something serious about my father but nothing to worry about too much. That’s rich coming from her. This is the girl that had ulcers at eight because she worried about everything.
At first I thought she might have killed him. I had just found out days earlier that my dad had procured himself a new convertible. I imagine it was a quiet bed that night. It wasn’t that. She calmly but concernedly explained to me that my father had just survived a heart attack. I was surprised at how surprised I was not. He has horrible eating habits (Pot paging kettle, pot paging kettle). He has been told by doctors for years that his blood pressure is too high and he needs to watch his diet. He has not done as good of a job as my mom has tried to help him do. I think she has won this argument now.
Mom assured me that Dad is fine at this point. He will probably have to stay in the hospital for another week. He will have to be real careful with his diet from now on. The doctors say he will make a good recovery and should be able to carry on with normal life as long as he is careful. Strangely I was not that concerned. I should have been. I feel bad that I am not. I just felt like everything was fine (relatively) and I should not be adding this to my “fret over” pile yet.
One thing I felt bad about is that I just gave blood that same day. They asked me if I had a history of heart attacks in my family. I said no! I lied! I guess the person getting my blood will just have to take the risk.
On the bright side, I can relate to my father more. We do share some things in common. I think both of us will get through this. Both of us might learn from this and maybe even become better as a result. I just hope that at this time he won’t feel my heartache and I won’t share his event of having my heart break.
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