Daily Report...

You dont want to end up with a guy like me, I'm a loner...a rebel...
-Pee Wee Herman Pee Wee Herman's Big Adventure

I wanted to try out for the next school play, a farce by Molier. The is the same guy who did Tartuffe. It was funny, but I don't know about this one. I assume that it will be good. I asked my dorm mom is she would mind. She didn't seem to hot on the idea. She didn't say it, but basically it was no. I have had a heck of a summer and my time here thus far hasn't been all that hot either. So, I felt that i needed this creative outlet. At lunch today i was talking with some friends who are trying out: Jeff, Shem, Lisa, Erika. Jeff, also an RA, was talking about how the rehearsals are from 3-6pm. And not on wed. when i cant be there due to RA class and i wouldn't have to be there for every rehearsal. so i fully defied authority, signed up and then looked over the supplied monologues. I was auditioning only hours later. Little did i know, he wanted to see us do all three monologues on the page. I had the one almost down and did the other 2 as a cold read. I did surprising well on the anger fight one. A little too well. I think my sordid summer and past few months helped supply some fodder there. I was yelling and screaming as well as i could. I wasn't just loud, i felt it. I really felt the anger and hate. It was nice to emote again. I think i did better on the cold reads than the one i tried to memorize. After the lethargic experience of having a mock fight with air, I almost want the part that does that scene.

So, tonight i have what i think counts as a date. Ya, weird, huh? I didn't think it was a big deal, but now i want to back out. I figure i just need to try dating again. I sort of dated Steph for a time. It was nice, but with the huge distance, it just didn't seem to click right. I don't know. If she lived in AZ or I lived in Vegas, thing probably would have been different. Point being, I want to be in a relationship again. I think a good portion of what i missed so much about Fei was the relationship and not her. Don't get me wrong i did actually feel for her, but i was holding on to her when i knew i had to let go. I think part of that was that i had never had a girlfriend, or a hope of one, prior and didn't want to lose it if i could help it. So, i have also been leery of getting in a serious relationship. this girl i am hanging out with is not one that i am actually interested in. Not for a relationship anyway. But i think this will be just a friend thing. I have this habit of flirting with girls that i can just because I don't usually have anything happen anyway. I dont mean to. Well, sometimes i do, when i am interested, but doubt it will happen. This girl, she is nice, but i am not interested, she is just nice. This is about just getting out, not getting a relationship. If the right girl shows up in front of my face, than i am sure i will feel a lot more ready for some serious lovin'. Well, this got long. And now i digress.